Calling out the narcissist really has no benefit. They won't start to acknowledge their wrongs and make efforts to change. By calling them out, you just open yourself up to more abuse from the narcissist. This might be hard to hear because this means you are left with no way to be heard for how you are being treated.
Emotional reactions
So when they encounter a piece of information about narcissism they immediately might feel exposed, ashamed, betrayed, or attacked. Moreover, they often take things very personally and think that everything is about them.
The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board.
You can expect grandiose narcissists to lash out when wounded. The more insulted they feel, the more rage they're likely to feel. And the more intense their rage, the more viciously they're likely to attack. The problem with them is as insidious as it is tragic.
Outside the realm of legitimate psychotherapy, to call someone a narcissist is not only more insulting than non-clinical insults; it may well evoke more hostility. The labeler seizes the role of expert and looks down with contempt on the pathological wretch below.
If you call out the narcissist about anything they feel like could expose them, expect rage. This could be commenting on their behaviors or calling them out on a lie. The narcissist rages to push people away and shut down any and all further communication.
For them, relationships are more about “gaming” — there must always be winners and losers. They need what you can give them, but they don't want to give back. When you confront them, you will be doing something for yourself. You will be validating your own needs and desires.
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
Narcissists are also bold enough to accuse you of a trait they know they are culpable of. They do this in order to make you feel you are wrong and they are blind. But no matter how convincing or confident they may sound, never accept their false accusations.
Draw attention to a narcissist's contradictions to expose them. Malignant narcissists will share incompatible ideas and statements as it suits them. Whenever you spot an inconsistency, nicely comment on it in a roundabout way without being combative.
People with narcissistic personality disorder tend not to perceive that they themselves may have a mental health problem, and thus may be less likely to seek evaluation or treatment.
If you catch a narcissist in a lie and confront them, you will definitely face at least one of the Four D's. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you. Deny. “It wasn't me.”
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
Malignant narcissism is considered by many to be the most severe type. 2 That's why it helps to recognize when you have someone with this condition in your life and what to expect from interactions with them.
React with empathy and respect.
A narcissist thrives on conflict, and will take control of the conversation as soon as you get defensive or try to fight back. Instead, you can take control by making empathetic statements about the situation, which will help the narcissist calm down.
And they are perfectly willing to play the role of conqueror. That understood, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to seek revenge as they are vengeful toward you. It would be akin to wrestling with an alligator. It won't end well for you.