Without the False Self, the True Self would be subjected to so much hurt that it will disintegrate. This happens to narcissists who go through a life crisis: Their False Ego becomes dysfunctional and they experience a harrowing feeling of annulment.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
During narcissistic abuse, the narcissist is guilty of soul vandalism, of stealing and devastating your soul. They literally begin to live as you, with your capabilities, endurance, super traits and they leave you with themselves – feeling hollow, needy, with low energy and disgusted with yourself.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8.
Most recent theories have focused on the link between narcissism and negative childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual violence, neglect, or rejection [10,11].
We demonstrate that narcissism in children is cultivated by parental overvaluation: parents believing their child to be more special and more entitled than others. In contrast, high self-esteem in children is cultivated by parental warmth: parents expressing affection and appreciation toward their child.
Narcissists tend to have mixed reactions to the passing away of their siblings, parents, and other close family members. On the one hand, they experience a sense of joy and freedom, and on another, they may feel an overwhelming sense of space combined with grief.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.
It's entirely their loss and you feel nothing. Everyone grieves during loss, whether it be the loss of a loved one, financial loss, breakups, divorces, and everything else that can set back a human. There's no doubt that everybody grieves, including narcissists and other antagonistic personalities.
So, when a narcissist does not receive the validation they believe they are entitled to, they may experience high levels of emotional distress, leading to a narcissistic collapse.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
Narcissists are attracted to certain types of people. Rather than weak, vulnerable people, they tend to go for the strong-willed and talented. They are also attracted to people who reflect well on themselves.
People who narcissists have hurt suffer, and so do the narcissist themselves. The best way to work toward less suffering in the world is by seeing the victim in the villain so everyone can have a chance at happiness. Laura Silverstein is a mental health professional with a passion for bridging differences.
Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
Being involved with a narcissist erodes your sense of self, lowers self-esteem, and causes crippling self-doubt. These impacts can show up in a number of ways for people, and often take several years (and a lot of therapy) to recover from.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that narcissists can and do love—but their love may never be the same as a healthy, unconditional bond.
It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.
This means someone living with narcissistic traits may cry from regret or remorse, but not with empathy at its source. They may feel embarrassed, for example, about being criticized for their part in a distressing situation. They may feel sadness or regret that whatever happened paints them in a negative light.
Narcissism is a learned behavior and there's more to it than excessive self-centeredness. Some narcissists possess personality traits that make good for toxic, dysfunctional relationships. Others behave in ways that are borderline evil.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Some narcissists may have healthy, loving relationships with their mothers, but many will struggle due to their narcissistic character traits. The narcissist's need for admiration and validation means they will often put unrealistic demands on their mothers, while their need for control makes them manipulative.