“When a person's first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT in Newport Beach, California.
If they are in a situation where they do not receive normal love and care, they cannot develop this close bond. This may result in a condition called attachment disorder. It usually happens to babies and children who have been neglected or abused, or who are in care or separated from their parents for some reason.
Feeling unlovable can impact your life and relationships in many ways. People who feel unlovable might engage in people-pleasing behaviors and struggle with recognizing when someone is manipulating or taking advantage of them. This is because they believe that they need to earn love.
Lack of trust
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
Most of your children will likely be a little unlovable at times, some more often than others. Still they all deserve your love, no matter what.
Characteristics of only child syndrome
The belief is that they'll grow into selfish individuals who only think about themselves and their own needs. Also, lack of interaction with a sibling is believed to cause loneliness and antisocial tendencies.
The years between eight and thirteen can leave you feeling like a parenting beginner all over again. They bring backchat, rudeness, defiance, highly emotive responses (SO many big emotions!), selfishness, “I hate yous”, sulking and door slamming.
Unfortunately, it is something children today experience too. If your children are not touched, they can get into a deficit state that can lead to negative mental health as well as show up as psychosomatic symptoms. These symptoms could include a headache, abdominal pain, anxiety, and sadness, to name a few.
lack of emotional support during difficult times or illness. withholding or not showing affection, even when requested. exposure to domestic violence and other types of abuse. disregard for a child's mental well-being.
They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need. They're not interested in the child's life (interests, friend groups, school work). They have difficulty expressing their feelings, even with adults. They're unable or unwilling to provide comfort during emotional distress.
On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children's happiness and success.
Specifically, compared to people with less skin hunger, people who feel more affection-deprived: are less happy; more lonely; more likely to experience depression and stress; and, in general, in worse health. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction.
Childhood trauma is a leading cause of adults feeling unloveable. This might have been the loss of a parent or sibling, being abandoned or neglected by a parent, having a mentally unwell or addicted parent. Childhood sexual abuse in particular leaves children with a damaged view of themselves.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Abandonment fear often stems from childhood loss. This loss could be related to a traumatic event, such as the loss of a parent through death or divorce. It can also come from not getting enough physical or emotional care. These early childhood experiences can lead to a fear of being abandoned by others later in life.
Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
Low self-esteem. Difficulty regulating emotions. Inability to ask for or accept help or support from others. Heightened sensitivity to rejection.
Maltreatment can cause victims to feel isolation, fear, and distrust, which can translate into lifelong psychological consequences that can manifest as educational difficulties, low self-esteem, depression, and trouble forming and maintaining relationships.
Traumatic experiences can initiate strong emotions and physical reactions that can persist long after the event. Children may feel terror, helplessness, or fear, as well as physiological reactions such as heart pounding, vomiting, or loss of bowel or bladder control.
When you don't get enough physical touch, you can become stressed, anxious, or depressed. As a response to stress, your body makes a hormone called cortisol. This can cause your heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and breathing rate to go up, with bad effects for your immune and digestive systems.
When you go without your usual interactions—like hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc. —your brain also starts to release more of the stress hormone, which is called cortisol, Dr. Jackson says. As time goes on and you don't receive physical touch to relieve it, you will start to feel wound up.
They become quite independent as they reach 5-6 years of age, even wanting to help you with some of the chores! This is probably why most parents look at age 6 as the magical age when parenting gets easier.
The onset of adolescence, generally between 12 and 14, is the hardest age for a teenage girl. The hormones of puberty cause her to feel her emotions more intensely but she has not yet developed the reasoning skills to know how to handle them.
The 20s...it's the phase where so many things change in our lives and it all happens so fast. There's angst, discovery, unpredictability and a sense of self-realization. It's the time we truly leave childhood behind and enter a whole new world of responsibility.