A narcissist is similar to a toxic grandparent who can switch and become manipulative, mean, and passive aggressive when she doesn't get what she wants. She may also have a tendency to be vain, envious, and self-centered. This can make family interactions more draining and frustrating.
The narcissistic parent / grandparent drinks in control and adulation with more manipulation, gaslighting and dramatic histrionics. These oppressive behaviors fortify the narcissist's false sense of grandiosity, bravado, and self-righteous admiration.
An overall lack of empathy. Demanding that a grandchild comply and respect them (even when there is no relationship to support these "asks"). Undermining your parenting authority. A persistent need to challenge and derail any attempt by you to guide and support your child.
A narcissistic senior may display erratic behavior or make inappropriate comments. To someone who doesn't know the individual, this could look like cognitive decline. However, those who are familiar with their behavior may attribute it to their narcissism.
Toxic grandparents may play favorites, pit grandchildren against one another, and deliberately create rifts between grandchildren and other family members. Grandparents may favor the child who most resembles them, or might not like a child if the grandparents didn't get along with them or either of their parents.
In 1958, Rappaport introduced a critical and overlooked influence on children's behaviour, which he called Grandparent Syndrome (GPS). He asserted that grandparents have an undeniable and powerful influence on their grandchildren, continuing even as grandchildren become adults.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Aging narcissists can become more self-centered.
Invisibility tends to happen to all of us as we get older, and we learn how to either make peace with it or come up with our own coping mechanisms. Narcissists do neither and focus on themselves — the one person they love and sometimes hate the most.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
It could be that your elderly parent has developed narcissism in their old age, this can be due to a variety of reasons, including trauma, or depression. It could also be that they are exhibiting some narcissistic traits because of dementia.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Generally, at around age 10 into their teen years, some kids start drifting away from their grandparents. While some of these factors are beyond our control, others are not.
Simply put, Grandma's Rule is a system of reinforcement where a less probable behavior (eating vegetables), is paired with a more probable behavior (eating dessert). To break this down even further, we call this technique “first-then”. First, you must eat your vegetables, and then, you may have dessert.
“You may find it's best to limit or completely cut out contact with toxic grandparents, especially if it is a matter of physical or emotional safety,” Capano says.
A boundary can be anything from declining to discuss certain topics with a grandparent to letting them know they won't be able to babysit anymore if they continue to break house rules.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.