A scapegoat is a person or group you place blame on. When scapegoating children, the child is blamed or shamed for all the issues that arise within dysfunctional households.
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.
The golden child may start acting up once the scapegoat goes no-contact. They may resent their sibling has “broken free” from the cycle of abuse. Golden children are under immense pressure to remain perfect- the scapegoat's absence only reinforces this pressure.
Like the strong goat Aaron selected, the target of family scapegoating is also often the strongest and healthiest member of the family. At first blush, this may sound counterintuitive. But think about it a little more.
Of the child roles in the narcissistic family, the entitled and enmeshed golden child is probably most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. However, being scapegoated can also lead to narcissism, particularly the covert form.
Women and children are hit hardest following the breakdown of a relationship, with research showing that one in five mothers falls into poverty following a split.
Key points. Scapegoating is a common form of parental verbal abuse. Research shows that scapegoating allows a parent to think of the family as healthier than it is. Scapegoating lets a parent minimize responsibility for and explain negative outcomes, enhancing a sense of control.
Many times, healing the scapegoat role on a personal level is about deep healing of trauma, empowerment, and a place to process emotion and find safety in relationship. Healing the scapegoat role in community means learning how to forge new relationships of repair and effective emotional communication.
More typically amongst scapegoats, 'No Contact' is open ended, meaning it will be retracted if their abusers acknowledge mistreatment and make a commitment to not engage in abusive behavior again.
For Girard, scapegoats are always innocent of the specific charges laid against them; the accusations are always false; scapegoating is always a heinous act of injustice.
A part of the person labeled the scapegoat feels that a part of them believes they are all bad and a part of them knows that the abuser is wrong. However, it may take years of therapy to get to a place where they feel like a part of them knows their truth and the family's truth.
Scapegoat theory in psychology
Here's how scapegoating works: The parent with NPD blames their child (or children) for family issues. The family then learns from these actions that all blame will be (mis)placed on the scapegoat, to maintain equilibrium in home life.
People who scapegoat others have certain particular traits; theseinclude a sense of superiority and pride, a large ego which needs maintaining, feelings of entitlement and grandiosity, limited personal self-reflection,poor character, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy. Did I mention arrogance?
Although the strengths of the narcissistic family scapegoat make her/him a target, they are also her/his salvation. Scapegoats' ability to see and question, along with their desire for justice, enable them to escape the family tyranny when others cannot.
Expectedly, the scapegoat oftentimes feels very jealous of the golden child. And the golden child is usually so enmeshed with their parent that they can't see anything wrong with the parent-child relationship they're in. They'll jump in to defend their parent and might even think they have the best parent in the world.
Research shows the most common reasons people cut ties with family include: Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or neglect. Poor parenting. Betrayal.
If she sees the scapegoat as the abomination then her partner and other children better agree with her. She uses any means necessary to coerce the enabler parent and the scapegoat's siblings into agreement.
Social learning theory holds that children are likely to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them: when their parents see them as more special and more entitled than other children (9).
If they have more than one child, they tend to pit them against each other. One child is usually the favoured child, while another is the scapegoat. Narcissists often emotionally reject a child that reminds them of their own insecurities and flaws.