The Victim Love Style Defined The Victim love style is a result of an attachment style in which the individual is so used to chaos and discord, that peace and calm make them uncomfortable. This means they were not used to a peaceful or calm lifestyle, free of tension growing up.
For the purposes of this article, a victim is someone who blames others for their problems, denies responsibility for their emotional state, and weaves the tale of how everyone does them wrong.
What are the love languages? We all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. These are called 'love languages' - a concept created by Dr. Gary Chapman through his long-time work as a marriage counsellor.
Avoider Love Style Defined
They feel overwhelmed and push you away when you get in their space. They feel emotions that are restricted and buried deep inside. They are not aware of what they need or how they feel. They rarely discuss personal concerns or emotional issues using words.
What is a Vacillator Love Style? Vacillator lovestyle displays a man or a woman who really wants connection, however, they idealize new relationships hoping and longing for attention and love. They keep idealizing the relationship and don't know how to get unstuck. In relationships, initially it's about the chase.
Vacillators are sensitive and easily triggered by any hint of rejection or abandonment. Each can feel easily overlooked, misunderstood or unloved. Over time, the passionate connection and intense good feelings of the early relationship are disturbed by anger, hurt and disappointment as “real life” sets in.
The borderline and narcissist are both notorious vacillators along the idealizing-devaluing continuum.
The dismissing / avoidant type tend to believe that they don't have to be in a relationship to feel complete. They do not want to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval in social bonds. Adults with this attachment style generally avoid emotional closeness.
Examples of Love Avoidant Behavior
Pushing other people away using single word responses, avoiding social outings, or being vague about their needs and intentions. Creating emotional walls rather than healthy boundaries in relationships. Using their energies on their interests and hobbies while isolating their partner.
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating "how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship ...
agape, Greek agapē, in the New Testament, the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God. In Scripture, the transcendent agape love is the highest form of love and is contrasted with eros, or erotic love, and philia, or brotherly love.
Agape — Selfless Love. Agape is the highest level of love to offer. It's given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. Offering Agape is a decision to spread love in any circumstances — including destructive situations.
Causes of a Victim Mentality
Common causes can include: Experiences of past trauma where this mindset was developed as a coping mechanism. Multiple negative situations where you had no sense of control. Ongoing emotional pain that makes you feel helpless or trapped so that you give up.
Most attachment specialists believe that the disorganized attachment style is the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat because it incorporates both the anxious and the avoidant styles.
The belief that others will hurt them and that they can't measure up in a relationship lead those with a fearful-avoidant attachment to have a range of issues. Fearful-avoidant attachment is often considered the worst in terms of potential negative outcomes.
Known as disorganized attachment style in adulthood, the fearful avoidant attachment style is thought to be the most difficult. Sadly, this insecure attachment style is often seen in children that have experienced trauma or abuse.
When you start thinking about someone else's desires and needs as much as your own, it's a pretty good sign that you are in love, Shaffer says. "You may not necessarily want the same things but when you are in love, you start thinking of the other person's perspective just as much as your own."
The three types of love are the first love, the intense love, and the unconditional love. Ahead, we're breaking down the meaning of each and what you typically learn from each stage of love.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.