What Is Manipulation? Most people engage in periodic manipulation. For example, telling an acquaintance you feel “fine” when you are actually depressed is, technically, a form of manipulation because it controls your acquaintance's perceptions of and reactions to you.
Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being.
“When you are being manipulated by someone you are being psychologically coerced into doing something you probably don't really want to do,” she says. You might feel scared to do it, obligated to do it, or guilty about not doing it.
“I didn't say/do that” or “It wasn't my idea, it was yours” When things don't go too well, manipulators put all the blame on you: They didn't even mention that subject. You did not understand them.
Emotional manipulation occurs when a manipulative person seeks power over someone else and employs dishonest or exploitive strategies to gain it. Unlike people in healthy relationships, which demonstrate reciprocity and cooperation, an emotional manipulator looks to use, control, or even victimize someone else.
While anyone can be manipulated, expert manipulators tend to target people with and take advantage of certain personality traits. These traits include: The desire to be liked or to please; these people are more likely to take extraordinary measures to gain favor. Low self-esteem.
According to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, everyone can be manipulative from time to time, sometimes without even realizing it.
"Unintentional manipulation can show up in exaggerating the facts," Silvershein says. "If someone had an early-morning flight that takes off at 8 a.m., they may say their flight is at 6 a.m. since they technically have to leave for the airport at 6 a.m. They know that this story is better and will gain more empathy."
In general, people manipulate others to get what they want, to protect their ego, and to avoid having to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. They may feel the need to punish, control, or dominate their partner. They may be seeking pity or attention, or have other selfish motives.
Manipulative People Like To Use Guilt-Tripping
The first, and possibly the most frequent tactic manipulative people use is intentionally making you feel guilty, even over the most inconsequential things. Guilt-tripping can also be verbal or non-verbal, and often takes a passive-aggressive tone.
They are afraid of vulnerability. Manipulators seldom express their needs, desires, or true feelings. They seek out the vulnerabilities in others in order to take advantage of them for their own benefits and deflect their true motives. They have no ability to love, empathy, guilt, remorse, or conscience.
Every case is different, but toxic people can negatively influence others by manipulating them to do things. They tend to create chaos through negative habits: using, lying, stealing, controlling, criticizing, bullying, manipulating, creating drama, etc."
Manipulation is generally considered a dishonest form of social influence as it is used at the expense of others. Manipulative tendencies may derive from personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or antisocial personality disorder.
While most people engage in manipulation from time to time, a chronic pattern of manipulation can indicate an underlying mental health concern. Manipulation is particularly common with personality disorder diagnoses such as borderline personality (BPD) and narcissistic personality (NPD).
Even some manipulators are sometimes not aware of their actions, so it can be really confusing to figure out when someone is a victim of manipulation. Manipulators often use fraudulent ways of gaining power over someone's emotions.
Examples of Manipulative Behavior
Withholding information. Isolating a person from loved ones. Gaslighting. Verbal abuse.
A common sign of manipulation in relationships is when you start losing a sense of who you are after following someone else's overt or covert demands to give up your opinions and interests. In some romantic couples, one partner may adopt the other person's lifestyle and interests to avoid conflict, for example.