It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves. The victim of gaslighting often asks “what did I do?” and finds themselves eventually questioning and second guessing everything they do.
Gaslighting essentially denies or dismisses someone's experience. When people with BPD speak up about their feelings, toxic and abusive people avoid taking accountability. To do that, they tell the person with BPD that they're crazy or that they're overreacting.
Being the target of gaslighting is a painful experience for everybody, but individuals with symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) suffer intensely. Many symptoms of BPD are markedly exacerbated by gaslighting, causing harm to the individual and your relationship with that person.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
A distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.
What are the conditions that may drive a person in their manipulative behavior? In BPD, these conditions are a lack of affective self-understanding, difficulties with regulating one's own emotions, and an impeded interaffectivity that makes it incredibly difficult for the person to feel connected with other people.
Intense, inappropriate anger can be one of the most challenging symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). This anger in BPD is often referred to as “borderline rage.” It can lead to explosive episodes of anger that are difficult to manage and can have a significant effect on a person's relationships.
Intense and sometimes inappropriate rage is a characteristic of borderline personality disorder (BPD). An individual with this mental health condition has difficulty regulating their emotions or returning to their baseline, which can include frustration-induced anger and even rage blackouts.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
They lack empathy for others, and their gaslighting can cause danger to their victims both mentally and emotionally. Commonly, a gaslighter has a condition known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have admiration for themselves over others and will do whatever it takes to put themselves in control.
Gaslighting Behaviors
A gaslighter may also tell their partner that they don't need to take medication for ADHD because “I know what you need better than some doctor does.” Gaslighting behaviors include: Telling you that you didn't see or hear something. Cheating often, but obsessively accusing you of cheating.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
“If you cared about me, you would ___”
In romantic relationships, a gaslighter may use their partner's love against them as a way to excuse their own bad behavior. They may also incorrectly accuse partners of cheating or causing problems in the relationship.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
The opposite of gaslighting is critical thinking, not validation or deference or coddling.
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting typically begins gradually, with a snide comment or critical remark disguised as a joke. The gaslighter may then deny having said or done something, tell blatant lies and eventually project his or her bad behavior or traits on you.