The “devouring mother” is co-dependent and “consumes” her children, particularly her sons, emotionally and psychologically. She seeks fulfillment through her children because the feminine mystique has convinced her that her identity is inseparable from her roles as wife and mother.
The "Devouring" Mother
This mother archetype tends to love selfishly, and not selflessly. Although this is done with the intention of protecting them from the ills and evils of the world, it often results in her children feeling suffocated or constrained.
Idiot compassion can also be described as the devouring mother. For instance, the pregnant tiger (as opposed to the 'Tiger mom') will attack anyone who threatens her precious child. Any kind of judgment or criticism of that over-weaned creature is considered taboo and will be met with blind aggression.
The hungry and devouring Mother is an all-consuming figure. The Mother Shadow is illuminated in both the feminine aspect of the self and the masculine aspect of the self. Experiences of insatiable thirst or hunger carry components of fear, loneliness, and dependency.
Freud reminds us that the devouring mother is the selfish lover to her children; shielding them from the terrors of the real world to the extent of infantalisation. She is loving to the extent with which her children are subservient and will become hateful, cruel, and often murderous when they rebel.
The Tyrannical Father/Devouring Mother Archetypes
The Tyrannical Father/Devouring Mother come from Jung's interpretations of the shadow aspects of the father and mother archetypes. They are the narcissistic parent who dominates and consumes their children psychologically.
The more independent you are, the less she has to control you with. Give her no ammunition to use against you. Don't ask her for help with anything. If she realizes she can't control you directly, she may send others as emissaries.
Toxic mothers often lack empathy with their children and are inconsistent in expressing love, understanding, and warmth. This may be because they came from toxic families themselves where empathy was not expressed. Unfortunately, a lack of empathy can lead to a poor bond between mother and child.
MD. Overbearing mothers hover, criticize, and overstep boundaries, which can lead to a host of challenges for their adult children including low self-esteem, dependence, and perfectionism. These mothers may think they are doing what's best for their children, but ultimately their hovering causes harm.
An overbearing parent is someone who wants control over their kid's life and choices. Adults can deal with overbearing parents by telling them you can't continue with family traditions or rituals, responding with gratitude, declaring off-limits topics, not answering calls and texts and establishing boundaries.
They're harshly critical. Nothing you do is ever good enough. They don't respect your good traits or achievements. They lack boundaries.
Signs you have a controlling mother may range from mildly annoying comments to frequent arguments. She may often: Offer you unsolicited advice. Criticize your decisions about your relationships, career, or money.
Some parents are bitter because they are still stuck in—and resentful of—the insufficient way they were parented. Deep down, they sometimes feel envy because their child has it so much better than they did. 2. Parents who have difficult children, or children who meet the criteria for a mental disorder.
A mother with narcissistic personality disorder cannot give their children adequate attention and nurturing. Their entitlement often results in them mistreating their children. Additionally, a narcissistic mother will tend to use her children as a prop or device to meet her own needs.
While the narcissistic mother gets off on the power she holds over others, including her children, the controlling mother really believes that without her intervention, the children would fail at just about everything. She's motivated by fear, but masquerades her control as a form of strength.
A controlling mother or overbearing parent might struggle with narcissism or NPD. If her behavior is due to a mental health condition, an overbearing mother might not be aware of what she's doing.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship. Difficulties with boundaries.
Some well-meaning parents may gaslight their children in an attempt to protect them. For example, “You will love these vegetables as they are so yummy.” However, many more do so to maintain control, power, and a sense of rightness in the parent-child relationships.
However, I would like to add another, and seemingly opposite proclivity of the Devouring Mother: neglect. Neglect is equally destructive to children and does, in fact, result in the same ill-prepared and unhealthy young adults.
A good example of the Terrible Mother archetype is the black-skinned Hindu goddess Kali. Her eyes are described as red with absolute rage, her hair disheveled, and small fangs sometimes protrude out of her mouth.
As an archetype, the Dark Mother represents life, death, earth and sexuality, and deep transformational energy. She has been associated with nurturing, birthing, caring for children, the sick, the elderly, and the dying.