People who are viewed as selfish put their needs before the needs of others and don't seem to care much for anyone's feelings but their own.
What Causes Selfishness? According to mental health experts, selfishness stems from genetic predispositions and behavior learned during childhood development from family members. Mental health issues such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, depression, and anxiety can lead to selfishness.
Though this may be what is going on with some couples, selfish behavior or lack of empathy frequently is caused by hidden hurt and resentment tied to longstanding unresolved marital issues. When hurt and resentment masquerade as selfishness, the prognosis can be hopeful for some couples.
Psychology. Lack of empathy has been seen as one of the roots of selfishness, extending as far as the cold manipulation of the psychopath.
How selfishness can ruin your relationship. The common consequence of being selfish is that it creates an unhealthy one-sided relationship dynamic. In addition, our partners may start to feel resentful or disappointed by the relationship. It's not uncommon for relationships to end because of selfishness.
Self-obsession means we are more prone to worry and mental health problems. Selfishness may make it easier for us to fall into traps like addiction. Our selfishness can mean we hurt others as we ruthlessly strive to satisfy our own needs. Self-centeredness can damage our reputation and lead to loneliness.
Self-centered people often feel threatened, vulnerable, and anxiously insecure with others. Narcissistically self-centered people suffer from an addiction to their specialness; they have an underlying insecurity related to an inability to safely love and be loved. Self-centeredness then is driven by pain.
Some mental health problems can contribute to the development of selfishness. Many personality disorders, particularly antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, cause people to be so wrapped up in their own desires that they either do not notice or do not care about the needs of others.
Selfish people value material possessions over people. They might be obsessed with status symbols, money, or power. If they can't have something, they might try to take it from someone else. These selfish and materialistic people dislike others who have more, not just money or things, but happiness, love, or success.
Rana Khan, a registered psychotherapist in Toronto, says selfishness becomes toxic when it begins to negatively impact those close relationships. “More often than not, the best way to evaluate/check yourself is the opinion that other people hold of us and how they are impacted by our behaviour,” he said.
For this reason, selfish people can never truly love another, because they will be less willing to compromise. This will inevitably lead to one partner giving more of themselves than the other, which can cause resentment or confusion about feelings that are or aren't expressed.
The key difference between selfish and self centered is that selfish people lack concern for others, whereas self centered people are excessively interested in themselves. Generally, both qualities induce individuals to think only of themselves by prioritizing themselves and their needs by ignoring that of others.
Selfish and self-centered individuals typically lack self-esteem, that is, they lack self-respect, and self-love. They often feel inferior, lack confidence, and feel empty inside. They don't know how to ask to have their needs met in a healthy and respectful manner.
If we get too wrapped up in ourselves, it could inevitably lead to loneliness. It reminded me of this article based on a study that found those who over-value happiness put too much focus on themselves and in the end damage their relationships and their sense of well-being.
You'd only see the signs when it's too late, and there's little you can do to change their behavior after that. A selfish person rarely ever changes until they actually see an issue in their behavior.
If both partners are giving equally, the relationship will work. But if your partner takes you for granted or doesn't respect you, that means trouble. Sometimes this is a result of relationship stressors that can be fixed. If you feel deeply that your partner no longer values you, it could be time to leave.
There's a term for this: walkaway wife syndrome. This term is sometimes used to describe instances where a spouse – often the wife – has felt alone, neglected, and resentful in a deteriorating marriage and decides it's time to end it.
Selfish lovers constantly seek attention and validation, making everything about them. They may monopolize conversations and expect you to prioritize their needs above all else. This behavior can leave you feeling emotionally drained and unimportant in the relationship.
Giving is one of the most selfish things you can do… Denzel Washington puts it this way: "The most selfish thing you can do in this world is helping someone else, because the gratification, the goodness that comes to you, the good feeling, the good feeling from helping others—nothing is better than that.
Selfish people feel that they deserve anything and everything, which means that it's difficult for them to accept when things don't go their way.
“It depends on who actually wants that change.” In a relationship where your partner is selfish, put the onus on them to care enough to change. “After a conversation, it's left to that partner to decide to change or stay the same.”