A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
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Pseudo-apologies are rhetorical acts that contain language such as “I'm sorry” or “I apologize,” but fall short of genuine apologies in various ways. Pseudo-apologies may minimize the severity of an offense or express sympathy without taking responsibility (Lazare, 2004, Kampf, 2009).
“I am sorry that you think I did something wrong.” “I am sorry that you feel I am a bad person.” “I am sorry, but maybe you're just too sensitive.” These empty apologies put the onus on the person who was hurt as the problem.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
For example, instead of accepting responsibility and saying, “I'm sorry I offended you”, people blame-shift by saying something like: “I'm sorry it offended you.” (“My action offended you, not me.”) “I'm sorry you got offended.” (“You shouldn't have been offended.”)
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
1. They add "but" at the end of their apology as a way to avoid taking responsibility for the topic of conflict e.g. "sorry but you made me do it." 2. They dismiss your emotions surrounding the topic e.g. "sorry, you're taking it all wrong." 3.
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
An insincere apology occurs when it doesn't involve remorse or regret. Sometimes an apology may make you feel worse rather than offering an opportunity for reconciliation. A false apology can lead to resentment and anger, which may make you feel misunderstood, invalidated, or manipulated.
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
The Empty Apology.
It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it.
But apologies are too often used as a quick fix for our uneasiness. When we focus more on our own discomfort than on the distress of the other person, our apology is selfish, and selfish apologies are usually ineffective.
Sarcastic: This is the face-saving apology that prefaces a really rude remark or insult. The tone and context make it obvious that it is not an apology. You think someone is being stupid, so you say, “I'm sorry, but you are just being an idiot.”
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Hubris syndrome occurs when someone in a position of power develops a magnified and embellished view of themselves and their capabilities, resulting in excessive self-confidence, obsession with personal image, and contempt for criticism.
The grey rock method is where you deliberately act unresponsive or unengaged so that an abusive person will lose interest in you. Abusive people thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and don't show your emotions, they may lose interest and stop bothering you. This is known as “grey rocking.”
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
We believe all strong apologies contain the “four Rs” of recognition, responsibility, remorse, and redress.
Don't say things like “I really didn't mean it when I said…” or “I did x because Sally did y…”. It lessens the effectiveness of the apology by making you sound insincere. Shifting blame. Avoid saying things like “I'm sorry you were offended” or “I'm sorry the group felt like I was out of line”.
It's an act of generosity, because it restores the self-concept of those we offended. It offers hope for a renewed relationship and strengthens our connection with the people we hurt. To apologize is an act of love because it allows us to work on our relationships and our personal development.