Another reason compliments can feel uncomfortable is because the words you hear don't line up with the way you see yourself. Referred to as cognitive dissonance, it's the phrase psychologists use to describe the inconsistencies.
“People have trouble accepting compliments for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it's tied to social anxiety. It can also be caused by feelings of low self-esteem, or by going through life without experiencing positive feelings of gratitude,” explains Lisa Schuman, a New York–based social worker.
"superficial" "Ostensible" A superficial person who denies praise despite believing it to be true themselves. A person with ostensible humility, when in truth their opinion of themselves (themself?) is high. Follow this answer to receive notifications.
All this to say, many of us respond awkwardly to compliments as an unconscious act of self-protection. Unfortunately, this unconscious self-protection often robs us of human connection. It keeps us from letting in the kind words and gratitude of others.
More often than not, our receptivity to compliments is a reflection of our self-esteem and deep feelings of self-worth. Specifically, compliments can make people with low self-esteem feel uncomfortable because they contradict their own self-views.
The reason you feel uncomfortable receiving compliments is because subconsciously you don't see yourself or anything you do as worthy of praise. The saying goes we are our own harshest critic, and that is true.
Narcissists crave praise but view it as scarce. As a result, they are unlikely to praise others freely or completely. For example, when you show up sporting a new hair style, they may say something such as,Well, look at you!
Many people downplay compliments to avoid the appearance of conceit. It's so common that sociolinguists have categorized the three responses to a compliment: acceptance, deflection or rejection. Rather than humbly accept or outright reject the kind words, individuals often choose to deflect or dilute the compliment.
When you deflect or deny that praise, you're basically contradicting them; you're saying that they don't have good judgment, discernment, or taste, or that they're insincere — that they don't know what they're talking about. You're returning their kind words with an insult.
Doxophobia (from Greek doxo meaning "glory" or "honor") is the fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
Some people don't feel self-confident and don't receive compliments well because they may not believe positive things about themselves. If you frequently receive compliments, it could indicate that people find you attractive and want to talk to you. By contrast, some attractive people may seem intimidating to approach.
Ask what's up if the person deflects or rejects praise regularly. People get into the habit of refuting anything good other people say about them, but pointing it out in a kind way will help the person recognize his behavior so he can start to learn how to accept praise gracefully.
Why does a narcissist hate when someone gives their SO a compliment? A narcissist perceives this as a threat, not because they actually care about their SO, but because they keep their SO in a state of low self-esteem.
We've lost touch with the fact that a compliment was not meant to be about us and what we don't have, but about someone else and what they do. We've lost touch with it because today — more than before — we are told exactly what a “perfect” human is. We know how they look, how they speak, and what they do.
noun. : a compliment that implies it is not really a compliment at all. She paid me a backhanded compliment when she said my work was "surprisingly good."
If someone is constantly giving you compliments, flattering you, and being oh so nice and or so sweet, they probably are too good to be true. People often demonstrate this behavior to hook you in only to disappoint you or manipulate you later.
“Part of gaslighting is throwing in positive reinforcement or compliments and praise, and then cutting the person down when they start feeling good,” says Dr Sarkis. “That's the way the gaslighter gets control.”
Emotional abuse: With emotional abuse, deflection can go both ways. Abusers may use deflection to attack victims instead of facing criticism. However, victims may also resort to deflection to avoid abuse.
Deflection is manipulation, and if it's coupled with other toxic relationship behaviors, it may be necessary to remove yourself from the situation. While we may all unconsciously deflect once in a while, it's often a consistent behavior for narcissists and other toxic people.
According to social psychologist Laura Brannon, women who have high self-esteem may reject compliments because they want to seem modest and self-effacing.
There's no need to justify your gratitude, or elaborate on what the compliment entailed—just thank your friend for paying you a compliment, and move on. If two words feels too short, you can customize your default response to something like, “thank you, I appreciate it,” or, “thank you, that means a lot.”
I hope to be as selfless as you! I love how humble you stay. I follow your example of how to be a good friend. More people should follow your lead!
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
You can expect grandiose narcissists to lash out when wounded. The more insulted they feel, the more rage they're likely to feel. And the more intense their rage, the more viciously they're likely to attack. The problem with them is as insidious as it is tragic.