6. They Seek Revenge. Hidden beneath their outwardly agreeable personas is a desire to punish those who have hurt them. Passive-aggressive people often go to great lengths to retaliate against individuals they believe have taken advantage of them.
For example, someone who engages in passive-aggressive behavior might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than complying with the request, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by failing to follow through or missing deadlines.
There are many possible causes of passive aggression, such as fear of conflict, difficulty expressing emotions, low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness. People who tend to be more introverted may also struggle with expressing their needs or wants directly.
Assertive, not aggressive, confrontation is the best way to frustrate the goals of a passive-aggressive person. You see, passive-aggressive people hate confrontation. It's not their style. When you catch them in the moment and stand up for yourself assertively, you catch them off guard.
What is it? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), PAPD is “a personality disorder of long standing in which ambivalence toward the self and others” is expressed by passive expressions of underlying negativism. This means that PAPD is a chronic, generally inflexible, condition.
Acts out aggression physically
A passive-aggressive person may slam doors, move things around loudly, or use other physical means of getting their point across without words.
Sarcasm is when a person says something they do not mean. This can be passive-aggressive when a person wields sarcasm as a tool for punishing others. For example, they might sarcastically mock a loved one's emotions or personality traits.
Someone who uses passive aggression may feel angry, resentful, or frustrated, but they act neutral, pleasant, or even cheerful. They then find indirect ways to show how they really feel. Passive aggression isn't a mental illness.
But make no mistake: Passive-aggression is an expression of hostility in relationships. "Passive-aggression is how the weak and powerless try to thwart the authority of those who they view as strong and powerful," says Wetzler.
On one hand, passive-aggressive behavior can be seen as a way of avoiding direct confrontation and expressing one's emotions or thoughts indirectly. This can be interpreted as weakness because the person may not have the confidence or assertiveness to directly address the situation.
Passive-aggressive actions can erode the health of your relationships and friendships. Your passive-aggression points to an unmet need, and if you don't communicate openly, you likely will never get this need met, and the relationship may crumble around it. Passive aggression can hurt your career.
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
Limited Awareness. The passive-aggressive is somewhat aware of the fact that she or he is resisting but does not recognize it as passive-aggressiveness per se; they just do what they do. They are not cognizant of, or concerned with, the destructive impact of passive-aggression.
Since the purpose of gaslighting is to misdirect for the purpose of domination and exploitation, persistent blaming without verification or validity serves as an underhanded, passive-aggressive machination to keep the gaslighter on the offensive, and the gaslightee defensive.
The gaslighter does it to manipulate you, the passive-aggressive person does it to avoid conflict or getting in trouble, although they don't really try to do what could keep them from being in trouble.
Over the long term, if passive aggression is displayed frequently and repeatedly in a relationship, it can certainly be considered as a form of abuse.
3. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.
They ask questions that make you feel defensive.
Instead of asking, "What does that involve?" or saying, "I've heard about keto diets, but don't know much about them," or even just, "How is that going for you?" a passive-aggressive person might say, "Why did you ever decide to do that?"
A common form of passive aggression is to exaggerate the characteristics you know they find frustrating. You may demand their attention by being intentionally messy, forgetful or unorganised.