Typically, the family's golden child is chosen as a proxy for a parent's own achievements and magnificence. Narcissistic parents frequently place this identity on one of their children who is considered “special.” Unfortunately, the golden child must live up to perhaps unattainable levels of accomplishment.
Children of narcissistic parents are taught to submit and conform, causing them to lose touch of themselves as individuals. This can lead to the child possessing very few memories of feeling appreciated or loved by their parents for being themselves, as they instead associate the love and appreciation with conformity.
Golden Child Syndrome refers to a strict requirement of becoming perfect by parents. Children tend to have an overwhelming need to please. For example, expecting a child to score straight As, do every house chore perfectly, behave perfectly, or follow strict life rules.
Some Golden Children do become narcissists, while others do not. It depends on a number of factors, including how severely narcissistic the parent was, and whether the Golden Child received any emotional support from other family members or friends.
The golden child is usually the offspring of one or two narcissistic parents, Hafeez says. These parents use their children to show off their own perfection. Narcissistic parents control and manipulate their child's life to ensure that the child upholds the parents' "perfect" image and reputation.
What happens to a Golden Child of a narcissist? Although the golden child grows up enveloped by their parent's all-consuming love, they have a hard time translating that experience into self-love and a stable self-identity. That's because the narcissistic parent's love is conditional, and children can sense that.
Based on psychodynamic theory, it was hypothesized that firstborn children were expected to score highest, but statistical significance was not found for an association between narcissism and birth order.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Expectedly, the scapegoat oftentimes feels very jealous of the golden child. And the golden child is usually so enmeshed with their parent that they can't see anything wrong with the parent-child relationship they're in. They'll jump in to defend their parent and might even think they have the best parent in the world.
Because of verbal abuse, scapegoated children rarely feel emotional safety and are often unable to trust people or their own instincts — not being able to distinguish what's true and not.
Essentially, this means that the golden child is expected to be good at everything (even if those things don't come naturally to them), never make mistakes, and is always obliged to meet their parent's desires, even if they don't agree with them.
Powers and Abilities
Radiates a golden glow when in contact with any magical item. Their tears are capable of restoring or removing magic from any item or person. They also work in healing wounds and scars. Their blood can grant immortality.
The penalty for failure is criticism and disappointment from parents and other caregivers. And very often, the Golden Child interprets this as a withdrawal of love. Love therefore becomes conditional. The agreement is this: The child succeeds, and the parents in return bestow their love.
The golden child may start acting up once the scapegoat goes no-contact. They may resent their sibling has “broken free” from the cycle of abuse. Golden children are under immense pressure to remain perfect- the scapegoat's absence only reinforces this pressure.
Like the strong goat Aaron selected, the target of family scapegoating is also often the strongest and healthiest member of the family. At first blush, this may sound counterintuitive. But think about it a little more.
“You knew I didn't like it, but you still did it to hurt me.” “You only think about yourself.” “You always look for attention.” “You don't deserve everything that I have done for you.”
Despite what most scapegoats will tell you, golden children are usually the more severely traumatised in narcissistic families. But the trauma is all on the inside.
If they have more than one child, they tend to pit them against each other. One child is usually the favoured child, while another is the scapegoat. Narcissists often emotionally reject a child that reminds them of their own insecurities and flaws.
Key points. Children scapegoated in a narcissistic family are often targeted with negative projections and burdened with adult responsibilities. Family scapegoats can adopt a variety of coping patterns, each with its own strengths and drawbacks.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
Social learning theory holds that children are likely to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them: when their parents see them as more special and more entitled than other children (9).
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
Many describe their childhood as one of being a “verbal punching bag” for their brother or sister, cruelty which often remains hidden to parents as the narcissistic child endeavours to maintain the appearance of perfection to authority figures.