The first one is the need for attention, admiration and confirmation that they are the best, the second one is the urge to hide their fragile egos, to keep themselves safe from being exposed as insecure or less good as they portray.
Everyday narcissists are status-oriented and motivated to pursue goals like fame and financial wealth that either enhance their social status or demonstrate their superiority to others.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
“Their goal is to lower others' self-esteem so that they can increase their own because it makes them feel powerful.” What's more, reacting to what they say may only reinforce their behavior. “A narcissist loves a reaction,” Peykar says.
They demand respect, and give none in return.
For a narcissist, their needs must always be put first, and they will never reciprocate those feelings for anyone else. The world revolves around them, and everyone who happens to be part of that world should go along with it.
Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.
Here are some common manipulation games someone with narcissistic personality might engage in: gaslighting. love bombing. ghosting.
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
This true self is the feeling self, but for the narcissist the feeling self must be hidden and denied. Since the superficial self represents submission and conformity, the inner or true self is rebellious and angry.
The core features of narcissism are antagonism, self-importance, and entitlement, making narcissists disagreeable, uncooperative partners and work associates.
Lack of empathy
Narcissists tend to be selfish and self-involved and are usually unable to understand what other people are feeling. They expect others to think and feel the same as they do and seldom give any thought to how others feel. They are also rarely apologetic, remorseful, or guilty.
Narcissists don't take constructive criticism well, Manly says. Try to make comments in careful, positive ways. Stay calm. Try not to react if they try to pick a fight or gaslight you (making you doubt your own reality).
They want to see how much they can destroy you
Narcissists thrive on chaos, so they do not act out of jealousy, as that would imply they want your relationships, career, wealth, or health for themselves. Rather, they just don't want to see other people happy.
People with type A personalities attract narcissists, but a relationship between the two is a recipe for disaster.
Don't React to Their Abusive Tactics
Your reaction is exactly what they want. So, don't accept the narcissist's gaslighting phrases as your truth. They will try everything to demean and discredit you. Practice positive affirmations to undue blame and maintain healthy self-esteem.
You need to be able to distance yourself emotionally (don't let your emotions get to you), anticipate his next move, and then strike back. You can do this by using the narcissist's own narcissism against them to achieve your own goals.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Key points. Narcissists tend to focus on extrinsic motivators, like money and rewards, rather than personal growth and fulfillment. Because money and material wealth are highly important to narcissists, they often become a focal point of their relationships—sometimes resulting in financial abuse.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
In fact, greed and narcissism go hand in hand—especially in those individuals I refer to as “extreme narcissists” in my new book. They lack empathy and have a grandiose sense of self, but may fall short of the diagnostic threshold for narcissistic personality disorder.