The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim. Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months.
Those who provide specialized support for narcissistic abuse recovery describe a cycle with three stages: idealize, devalue, and discard.
It is never a good feeling when a narcissist walks out of a relationship. They can break up so abruptly that you may be left behind wondering why things had moved to the point of no return. Rather than drowning yourself in self-pity, you need to take proper action.
It's a phenomenon called the narcissistic abuse cycle. This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce. There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.
People with high levels of narcissistic admiration experienced less anxiety and sadness after a breakup and maintained positive perceptions of their exes. They were also more likely to initiate a breakup and attribute it to their lack of interest in their ex.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you: You were too difficult for them to control. You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you. You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
A narcissist will commonly try to incite guilt and shame. They may spin the narrative to blame their partner for why the relationship failed. This maintains their grandiose perception of themselves and gives them the leverage to try and convince others to empathize with them.
The honeymoon lasts until long-term commitment is in sight. This could take weeks or months, depending on the dynamics of your relationship.
Sooner or later, they will suck their partner dry of money, enthusiasm, self-esteem, or all three, and they discard them without looking back. That's why you should never be jealous of your narcissistic ex's new partner — they haven't changed. They aren't fixed. They aren't happier with this new person.
Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do. For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem.
Getting the silent treatment from a narcissist is typically in response to something they're feeling threatened or hurt by. They may use narcissistic projection to pass these feelings onto you to now make it your problem instead of theirs.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
A narcissist may lose interest in you if they feel defeated in some way. This could be due to a perceived slight, a challenge to their authority, or a failure to receive the admiration they believe they deserve.
Over time, narcissists usually push their responsibilities onto their significant others. Narcissists don't care for the boring routines of life. Such as house work, paying bills, looking after children etc. And over time, ALL these things become you're responsibility.
Narcissists like the idea of love and long-term partnerships because of the potential constant fill of their narcissistic supply. However, their lack of empathy and ability to focus on anyone but themselves make it impossible to build the healthy relational dynamics required for real love.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
If your ex had a narcissistic personality, chances are they moved on to the next relationship pretty soon after your breakup.
Now that the narcissist sees the relationship as broken, damaged, and ending—it's all your fault. They say you're too fat or too needy or too happy. You have wrecked things, destroyed the trust, ruined the best thing you ever had, crushed their love.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.