“Avoid clichés or platitudes,” notes psychiatrist and author Dr. Marcia Sirota. “Saying things like, 'Everything happens for a reason,' and, 'It's God's will,' can make the person feel like their illness is their fault.” Remarks like “You're strong” and “You'll get through this” are equally problematic.
It's important to leave nothing unsaid. Let your loved one know how much you appreciate, love, and care for them. It is comforting and validating for a dying person to know the impact he or she had on this life. Express your love and allow yourself to be vulnerable with your loved one.
What should you not say to someone with terminal illness?
Don't ask 'How are you?' For most of us, asking someone how they're feeling is a natural conversation opener, and we probably don't even think about the significance of the words. ...
Do say – “It's good to see you.” Let them know you have been thinking of them. At a loss for words – It's OK to say, “Mary, I don't know what to say or do, but I'm here and I care about you.” Listen – If the person talks about being anxious, listen quietly. Don't try to change the subject or silence the person.
In short: truth, touch and time. They want others — family, friends and physicians — to be truthful with them in all respects, whether discussing the disease process, treatment options or personal relationships. They want truth but not at the expense of reassurance and hope. Hope is not limited to escaping death.
One of the wildest innovations is “living funerals.” You can attend a dry run of your own funeral, complete with casket, mourners, funeral procession, etc. You can witness the lavish proceedings without having an “out-of-body” experience, just an “out-of-disposable-income” experience.
“The easiest way to find out how you feel about someone. Say goodbye.” “Life is made of so many partings welded together.” “I don't have to be so afraid of goodbye, because goodbye doesn't have to be forever.”
Have a good day/have a nice day – This is a phrase that you'll often hear in America, but is one of the most universal and respectful ways to say goodbye to another person. ...
Take care – This one can be used informally among friends too, but is often heard between strangers. ...
They might close their eyes frequently or they might be half-open. Facial muscles may relax and the jaw can drop. Skin can become very pale. Breathing can alternate between loud rasping breaths and quiet breathing.
Visions Before Death: What do They Mean? Also known as end-of-life experiences (ELEs), visions and dreams before death are common among patients. In fact, a recent study found that 63.3 percent of patients reported an ELE, and 78.9 percent were able to recall these experiences “vividly and in detail.”
Of course, it may be the case that many people would prefer to have their family around them when they are dying. But there is evidence that suggests that some people would prefer to be alone as they are coming to the end of their lives.
