The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.
Research has found that people who received the silent treatment experienced a threat to their needs of belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaningful existence. This type of behavior reinforces the feeling that someone we care about wants nothing to do with us. It can feel as though you don't exist.
If narcissists don't get their way, they love to give people the silent treatment. This is very effective that makes the loved one distressed. They'll react negatively to not receiving the attention or love they are addicted to getting from the narcissist.
The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether.
Silent treatment can be an immature way of dealing with situations and its practice should not be made a habit of. Imagine you have upset your loved one for some reason and they are angry with you.
Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation. When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.
If someone displays unmanageable emotions and easily flies off the handle, this is a serious red flag. Responding with uncontrollable rage or the "silent treatment" could point to abusive (physical or emotional) behavior in the future, says Trombetti.
The silent treatment, or stonewalling, is a passive-aggressive form of manipulation and can be considered emotional abuse. It is a way to control another person by withholding communication, refusing to talk, or ignoring the person.
If they give you the silent treatment, don't respond. Don't answer their calls or texts, don't check on them or care for them when they are sick and don't offer them any kind of support. –Walk away from the relationship.
The silent treatment is strikingly similar to gaslighting, as both flourish in power and control. In fact, some therapists call the silent treatment a form of gaslighting, used to cause personal uncertainty, and a sense of doubt when considering goals, self-views and worldviews.
I had no idea that responding to the silent treatment gives the person doing it a false sense of control. That's definitely not OK. Left unchecked, the silent treatment becomes a pattern of behavior and emotional abuse that is used to manipulate over time.
The silent treatment is meant to hurt the other person where stonewalling is flooding and self-perseverance. Sometimes it can feel like your partner is doing both so it can be hard to differentiate.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
While using silence sometimes is just a short-term way to cool down, the silent treatment becomes a problem when it's used as a deliberate strategy to inflict pain and establish control. That treatment is never okay.
Clearly, silent treatment creates an atmosphere of anxiety, fear, and sadness that preclude an underlying sense of safety. As such, it causes unhappiness and psychological harm that most often heightens conflict in a relationship. It can lead one to feel anger, abandonment, rejection, and overall distress.
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
The Purpose of the Silent Treatment
Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
Why Is the Silent Treatment Ineffective Against Narcissists? The silent treatment is actually a form of stonewalling, a narcissistic behavior pattern that occurs when a narcissist refuses to participate in the communication and connection of the relationship that they have with someone else.
Often, a narcissist will retaliate by ignoring you. This is a means to punish you for puncturing their delusions. They're also avoiding you because a narcissist's sense of self is too unstable to resolve conflict. They are putting you in a position to make you desperate for their approval.
They want you to feel a sense of obligation or sympathy that they think will make them more likely to get what they want. The simplest example of this kind of emotional manipulation is the silent treatment, when someone punishes you by ignoring you.
Don't let it stretch: Silent treatment will be effective only when partners reconnect quickly and make an effort to work through their issues. So, one clear answer to how long should the silent treatment last is to not let it stretch for days, weeks or months.
The four behaviours are Blaming, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Relationship expert Dr John Gottman termed these "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" as they spell disaster for any personal or professional relationship.
Which Mental Health Disorders Are Linked to Toxic Personalities? People with narcissistic, borderline and antisocial personality styles often display toxic traits, while "toxic patterns" may also be seen in those with untreated substance use problems, according to Durvasula.
The toxic traits of a toxic person include unsupportive and unpleasant behavior, being manipulative, judgmental, controlling, and self-centered. Such people can be the cause of various negative feelings and emotions that you may be experiencing like depression, anxiousness, worthlessness, and unhappiness.