Trust is the first and perhaps most important predictor of long-term relational success. Without trust, none of the other six keys that follow will have much meaning.
Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.
Researchers analyzed data from over 11,000 couples to identify which factors best predict relationship quality. Perceived partner commitment, appreciation, sexual satisfaction, perceived partner satisfaction, and conflict were the top 5 predictors.
According to John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, the single greatest predictor for a successful marriage is repairing skills. Repairing skills refers to a couple's ability to resolve conflict. Of course, this includes having the ability to communicate effectively.
The number-one predictor of relationship satisfaction and commitment was people's perception of their partner's relationship commitment. This was followed by appreciation for their partner, sexual satisfaction, perceptions of their partner's relationship satisfaction, and reported conflict in their relationship.
A strong and healthy relationship is built on the three C's: Communication, Compromise and Commitment.
They may sabotage their relationships by becoming jealous, demanding or controlling. Or they may unconsciously select a relationship that recreates the childhood dynamic of working so hard to receive attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. We never outgrow the healthy need to receive the Five A's.
Negative communication patterns may present themselves as Gottman's evidence-based Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predictors of divorce or separation in your relationship. Understanding criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — and their antidotes — is vital to creating relationship satisfaction.
Relationships built on love, trust, intimacy, and mutual respect are more likely lead to happy and healthy lifelong partnerships.
In a relationship that has potential, you realize that you don't need to hide behind social masks. You don't have to fake who you are in order for your partner to like you. In fact, being yourself has never been easier. You both bring out and encourage the best versions of each other with ease.
And the couples that fared the best: partner-focused couples. "These partners are very involved with each other and dependent on each other, and they use what's happening in their relationship to advance their commitment to deeper levels," said Ogolsky.
Today we talked about the three main stages of relationships: Romance, Conflict and Commitment. If you view Romance and Conflict as the two extremes, Commitment is the middle path. After all, the way to the center is always through the extremes.
According to relationship researcher John Gottman, the magic ratio is 5 to 1. What does this mean? This means that for every one negative feeling or interaction between partners, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. Stable and happy couples share more positive feelings and actions than negative ones.
Relationships that are 50/50 are flatlined. Relationship dynamics go up and down based on the three C's: communication, compromise, and commitment.
These principles include: enhancing their "love maps"; nurturing their fondness and admiration; turning toward each other instead of away; letting their spouse influence them; solving their solvable problems; overcoming gridlock; and creating a shared sense of meaning.
Both studies used the three partner ideal scales developed by Fletcher, Simpson, Thomas, and Giles (1999): warmth/trustworthiness, vitality/attractiveness, and status/resources.
Happiness is an individual responsibility
It isn't until we are well into our marriage that it becomes clear to us that our individual happiness is up to each of us. As long as we hold the other person responsible for providing fulfillment, there won't be an end to blame, resentment, and self-pity.
There are many different types of relationships. This section focuses on four types of relationships: Family relationships, Friendships, Acquaintanceships and Romantic relationships.
Stonewalling is when a person in a relationship withdraws from an interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issue, people who stonewall resort to evasive maneuvers.
Usually, these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Read more about The Four Horsemen and their antidotes here.
After watching thousands of couples argue in his lab, he was able to identify specific negative communication patterns that predict divorce. He called them The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.