Be honest, use full disclosure about the affair, and find a way to atone or express remorse. Deal with the traumatic feelings after the discovery and be willing to ask and answer questions. Must end the affair. Be willing to apologize for cheating in a sincere way and promise not to repeat it.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
Your partner may try to escape distressing feelings about the infidelity by drinking, drugging, binge eating, or spending, among other escapist behaviors. They might also want to escape from you, emotionally and perhaps physically withdrawing from you. Regression into past pain.
For the betrayed spouse, stages of an affair being exposed can involve everything from denial, shock, reflection, depression to finally taking an upward turn.
Results of a 2005 study show that there is a significant difference between cheaters and non-cheaters when it comes to the Big Five model of personality traits. Poor self control, selfishness, anger, boredom, and attention-seeking are the most common reasons a person is unfaithful in their relationship.
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner. But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
Things that can trigger flashbacks include spending time with your partner who cheated, romantic sounds, love stories, not hearing from your partner and sometimes they can just come out of the blue when you least expect it. Being betrayed by a loved one can often be traumatic.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
It's absolutely possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, it's also possible to work on the relationship so that you and your partner are able to move on.
A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
Look for these telltale signs to determine true remorse: Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
The Progression of Infidelity
Much like the stages of grief, the stages of infidelity are not always linear. For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
According to estimates based on married couples, approximately 25% of men admit to cheating on their spouse at some point, while around 15% of women admit to the same. Another study found that up to 4% of married individuals had cheated on their spouse in the past year.