Children who experience parental loss are at a higher risk for many negative outcomes, including mental issues (e.g., depression, anxiety, somatic complaints, post-traumatic stress symptoms), shorter schooling, less academic success, lower self-esteem5, and more sexual risk behaviors6.
You may never completely get over the loss of a parent, but in time your pain will lessen, and you'll learn to cope with your loss. You'll learn to tuck your pain away and allow it to resurface when it needs to. It gets better, but it takes time.
Among people between the ages of 35 and 44, only one-third of them (34%) have experienced the death of one or both parents. For people between 45 and 54, though, closer to two-thirds have (63%). Among people who have reached the age of 64, a very high percentage 88% — have lost one or both parents.
The death of parent is an incredibly stressful event for a child, and one that can have profound consequences for the child's future wellbeing.
Grief and loss affect the brain and body in many different ways. They can cause changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and body function, affecting the immune system as well as the heart. It can also lead to cognitive effects, such as brain fog. The brain's goal?
The death of your mother or father, or the person you see as your mum or dad, can be an incredibly painful experience. You might find that you go through a range of emotions, including shock, regret, or anger, and that these feelings change over time.
When your mother or father dies, that bond is torn. In response to this loss you may feel a multitude of strong emotions. Numbness, confusion, fear, guilt, relief and anger are just a few of the feelings you may have. Sometimes these emotions will follow each other within a short period of time.
“I love you.” These three words are one of the greatest phrases to use in goodbyes. Practice saying them. “I forgive you.” or “I'm sorry.” These are powerful goodbye words and can transform you and the person who receives them for a lifetime. “Thank you” is another comforting goodbye phrase.
To my mother in heaven, thank you for always loving me and guiding me. Even though you are no longer here with me I can still feel your love guiding me. You are always in my heart. I love you and miss you dearly.
In order to cope with goodbyes big and small, we need ways to make ourselves feel better. Listening to music, taking a walk, watching a movie, talking to a friend, writing about your feelings—all of these are small but important techniques for soothing painful feelings.
Visions and Hallucinations
Visual or auditory hallucinations are often part of the dying experience. The appearance of family members or loved ones who have died is common. These visions are considered normal. The dying may turn their focus to “another world” and talk to people or see things that others do not see.
A conscious dying person can know if they are on the verge of dying. Some feel immense pain for hours before dying, while others die in seconds. This awareness of approaching death is most pronounced in people with terminal conditions such as cancer.
It's important to tell someone that they're dying so they can prepare and do what's most important to them. If the person consents, you should tell the people who are close to them as well, such as partners, friends and family members. This can allow them to make the most of the time they have left.
If you've been looking after a parent who was suffering from a life-changing illness, you might feel some relief after they die. This is very normal. Try not feel guilty about how you're feeling. It's difficult to watch your parent suffer and it's okay to want their pain to end.
While the death of a parent during adulthood may invoke feelings of sympathy and compassion from other family members and friends, there's often a sense of devastation in the knowledge that life will never be the same without them. Their death can cause feelings of confused grief — especially as an adult.
Losing your mother can mean more than clinical symptoms. You may feel like you've lost an important part of your support system. You may experience regret for lost family traditions and cultural knowledge. There may be times when you wonder how successfully you're fulfilling your own role as a mother.