People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
The key is to let go of your own toxic thoughts about your own past and let them go. Decide to think different thoughts even about you, even about your “toxic” past. You do not have to believe it was toxic. You can believe it was perfect because you were doing the best you could with the thoughts you were believing.
People are often toxic because they're not interested in being stable and healthy in relationships. Another sign of a toxic person is no boundaries. If you've been clear with someone time and again about your needs, and they just can't help themselves but to disrespect you, they are toxic.
“Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.” Kennedy says that it's likely that the person being abusive or controlling towards you struggles with their own issues.
Rest assured: Toxic people can be healed with conscious effort and self-awareness. But you need to be willing to change and accept responsibility to move forward and let go of the toxic traits in yourself. You can learn how to undo your past and how to stop being toxic in a relationship.
Fundamentally, toxic relationship behaviors are the result of a lack of empathy. Whether that be demanding your partner live up to your expectations, or refusing to see things from their perspective, toxic behavior often represents an inability to feel genuine understanding and compassion for the other person.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
The prime factor that helps decide whether a toxic relationship is worth saving is if both the partners are ready to alter their ways. If only one partner is invested in creating healthy patterns, there is very little probability that the relationship will mend ways.
Toxic relationships may be causing real damage to your self-esteem and your overall mental health as well as your physical health. You may find that a toxic relationship impacts your ability to engage in self-care.
The four behaviours are Blaming, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Relationship expert Dr John Gottman termed these "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" as they spell disaster for any personal or professional relationship.
You can let it go but your partner might not be able to. Those harsh words said in fits of anger linger. Hurtful words can have a negative impact and begin to affect intimacy. The residual effects of the harsh and aggressive words begin to cause more anger and disconnect in the relationship.
In human behavior, toxic is used to describe someone who causes distress in others through negative words and actions.
While we are all susceptible to manipulation, if you are insecure, overly nice, or worry a lot about what other people think, you may be an easy target. The reason manipulation feels bad is because it feels like you're being pushed or tricked into something you didn't really choose or want to do.
"If you have voiced a concern but still feel frustrated, anxious, and pacified, you [may] have been emotionally manipulated," says Porche. "If you feel one way and someone is trying to convince you to feel another way, you are [likely] being emotionally manipulated.