"I'm thinking about you." So many things demand our attention, so when you make it clear that someone is on your mind, they'll feel like a priority. Being desired to the point of being a distraction feels great, no matter how long you've been together. "I just love spending time with you."
The question of when to say “I love you” in a relationship is a contentious one. In the many conversations I've had on the topic, the consensus seems to be that three months in is the sweet spot.
“There is no absolute rule,” says Dr. Lauren Kerwin, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. “[Falling in love] can happen instantaneously or take weeks, months, or years! It happens differently for everybody and takes different forms.”
While early relationship feels (and hormones) can be intoxicating, relationship experts warn that it might be a red flag if you or your partner is too quick to say, “I love you.”
According to one survey, men take an average of 88 days to tell a partner "I love you," compared to a woman's 134. Moreover, 39 percent of men say "I love you" within the first month of dating someone, compared to just 23 percent of women.
Who should say 'I love you' first? Either partner can say “I love you” first. If you're feeling it and want your partner to know, it's OK to be the one who takes the plunge. In 2011, a study on relationship commitment among college students found most of them believed women generally say “I love you” first.
The average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, while those same feelings of true love take women 134 days. Another dating site, Elite Singles, did a poll in 2017 and found that 61 per cent of women believe in love at first sight, while 72 per cent of men do. These surveys focused on heterosexual relationships.
Men usually say it first, and it's for the reason you think
A 2011 study published in the Journal of Sociology Psychology found that, while both male and female college students believe women tend to say “I love you” first, it's actually men who fall in love faster and say the L-word earlier.
According to 2020 OKCupid data on 6,000 people shared with mindbodygreen, 62% of people think you should say "I love you" "as soon as you feel it," whereas 22% think you should wait "several months," and 3% think you should wait "at least a year." On average, research has found men take about three months to say "I ...
If you know they're seeing other people and you'd like them to stop, knowing when to ask to be exclusive can be more complicated. While there are no firm rules, experts suggest waiting at least three months after you start dating someone.
Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.
In many ways, men may fall in love in a way that mimics the female experience. The early stages can involve an infatuation with someone else, which can slowly deepen into trust, compassion and deep attachment. Men may also fall in love quickly and feel a strong need for affection from their partners.
Researchers concluded that falling in love is much like the sensation of feeling addicted to drugs with the release of euphoria, including brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin.
Physical, emotional, or mental abuse
Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.
Case in point: An 2018 survey of 1,000 British men and women found that while more than half of them take over three months to say, "I love you," 32% of women and 29% of men say it in one to three months—and 10% of women and 14% of men say it in just one to four weeks.
But just as there is no hard-and-fast rule for how long it takes to fall in love, there's no set checklist for how to know if what you're feeling is the real deal. Some people know after a single moment; others develop the feelings after months or even years of small gestures.
Infatuation is often a fantasy-based, passionate longing for someone else. It can prevent you from acknowledging their weaknesses, and may even land you in an unhealthy situation. Love is often based in reality and is fed on closeness and knowledge of the other person.
Many times, the true signs are in the little things like his body language, the way he prioritizes you, or when he goes out of his way to try to make you happy. Other signs he loves you are that he asks for your opinion on things and he says nice things about you.
In a 2022 study that included over 1,400 participants, researchers discovered that men usually say “I love you” before women do, a tendency that held true across the US and 6 countries that were included in the study's results.