If you're highly self-conscious or socially anxious, worrying about being perceived as a “toxic person” might lead you to under-share your needs and to a lack of connection with others. On the other hand, oversharing may be a trauma response or a sign that you are ready for or need support.
While venting can be a natural part of working through our negative emotions, does it become toxic at a certain point? It turns out, it can. And that's when venting becomes trauma dumping — the act of oversharing your emotions in a way that becomes harmful to the other person.
A common reason for oversharing is the desire to build depth and emotional intimacy before the relationship is ready. This can often be connected to stress or a fear of not being liked by the person. First dates, new coworkers, or mutual friends often elicit this oversharing.
Oversharing can all too often be a smokescreen for a serious psychological issue, including things like anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. And the first hint can be whether you can control your blather or not.
But for many others, oversharing is a coping mechanism for anxiety, stress, and untreated trauma. In some cases, oversharing may be a cry for help from someone struggling to cope with their mental health. When we overshare, we seek validation and reassurance from others.
Remember: Over-explaining is a trauma response designed to avoid conflict. “The logic behind fawning is that if a person does anything and everything they can to please the person who is trying to hurt them, that person might not follow through with the abusive behavior,” says Fenkel.
Trauma dumping is defined as unloading traumatic experiences on others without warning or invitation. It's often done to seek validation, attention, or sympathy. While some initial relief may come from dumping your trauma onto someone else, the habit actually does more harm than good.
People with BPD often engage in self-sabotaging behavior. This can include: Oversharing.
Oversharing doesn't create intimacy. Oversharing is self-absorption masked as vulnerability. This may also signal emotional neediness and/or lack of boundaries.
That said, gaslighters do have some common characteristics and there are some behaviors you can look out for: Lack of boundaries (oversharing information about themselves or others) Making excuses, blaming others for their issues. Reacting explosively to feedback or (real or imagined) threats.
Trauma is a factor that can cause overthinking. People who have experienced trauma are more vulnerable to overthinking. For example, childhood abuse or parental neglect can alter an individual's brain to stick in a constant hyper-vigilance state.
Oversharing. It can be hard to process and filter the constant thoughts, heightened feelings, and energy levels of a manic episode. This can sometimes result in feeling unable to stop oneself from sharing random or inappropriate compulsive thoughts, even in serious situations.
If you're regretful afterward, you may be telling too much, possibly because you crave deeper relationships. The trouble is, oversharing can cause others to clam up. I'd suggest that you take stock of your friends to get a sense of who you can count on and who you can't.
Trauma dumping: With trauma dumping, you overshare difficult or intimate personal information without the other person's consent or during inappropriate times. You don't consider how your words impact the listener, and you're not open to advice or solutions.
Intrusive memories
Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.
Most of the time, trauma dumping is not purposefully abusive or manipulative. It's more common for a dumper to be so involved in talking about their traumatic experience that they are unaware of how their story is impacting their listeners.
Oversharing is a common struggle among people who lack personal boundaries. It's not a conscious decision, but it often leaves us feeling icky and depleted. Oversharing usually comes from a desire to connect.
Overshare. One sure way to recognize an insecure person on social media is that they overshare. They go to painstaking measures to share details that no one would have ever asked for. More often than not, it's because they feel that they have something to prove.
It's common for people with ADHD to overshare information. People may be impulsive and not stop to think about what they're saying. Treating ADHD can help people improve self-control and think about consequences.
People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.
What is Toxic Venting? Toxic venting feels like an attack on someone's character. Whether you are the one venting, or you're listening to someone else do it, this communication makes the other person out to be “the bad guy.” This type of bad-mouthing becomes an intense form of gossip.
Signs of Emotional Dumping
You feel spent, used, unappreciated, or stressed after a conversation with a friend or loved one. A friend or loved one call or texts you repeatedly and at all hours with their problems with no regard for your time. You feel like your conversations are always one-sided.