Living through traumatic events may result in expectations of danger, betrayal, or potential harm within new or old relationships. Survivors may feel vulnerable and confused about what is safe, and therefore it may be difficult to trust others, even those whom they trusted in the past.
Essentially, attachment trauma impacts our ability to feel safe with others and ourselves. We feel chronically unsafe, mistrustful, and anxious in relationships, and this manifests through the push and pull of desperately craving healthy connection, yet also fearful and ambivalent of connection and pulling away.
Childhood trauma can impact relationships because we learn about emotional bonds early in life. So, when people we depend on for survival hurt us or aren't present, it can impact how we view human connection.
Reduced Intimacy/Loss of Trust
Past trauma makes it hard to trust again. With PTSD, you do not want to feel vulnerable. Unfortunately, this can appear to your partner like emotional and physical distance. Physical intimacy will begin to decrease.
The Impact on Relationships
When the trauma remains unresolved, there will likely be frequent triggers that cause an emotional response—behaviors on the part of others that unintentionally act as cues or reminders of the original trauma.
Being in a relationship with someone who has a trauma history can be uniquely challenging at times. In many cases, individuals who experience trauma may behave in ways that are hard for their partner to understand. They may experience panic attacks, express distrust, escalate quickly to anger, or become disengaged.
It can be difficult to feel loved, cared for, or liked.
If you had negative childhood experiences of neglect or abuse, it can create a core belief that your true self is not acceptable or even damaged. Therefore, it can make you feel unloved even when loved.
Leave you isolated: Traumatic events can have an incredibly isolating effect as you may have a difficult time telling others how you feel, or you may believe that no one will understand what you are going through. These patterns can lead to distance in relationships and social/emotional isolation.
Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, dissociation, confusion, physical arousal, and blunted affect.
Intrusive memories
Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.
Your guard is up, anxiety and arousal get confused easily. Your trauma might be impacting your sex life negatively if sex feels demanding, aggressive, or triggers anger and controlling behavior (fight). You may find that withdrawal, avoidance or passive interaction (flight) typifies your sexual interaction.
The toxic stress caused by childhood trauma can be harmful. It may damage or delay the healthy development of a child's body and brain. This can leave them vulnerable to chronic health problems, risky behaviors, and mental illness as adults.
She adds that some people who have experienced broken relationships or traumatic incidents may learn to resort to behaviors like manipulation, aggression, or deceit to get their needs met.
Although the challenges may feel overwhelming, leaning on — and supporting — your partner through the process can lead to post-traumatic growth. There is light and love on the other side of trauma. Marriages can survive challenges, and become even stronger in their wake.
Trauma causes the body to go into survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze—at the time it occurs. These effects may linger, triggering our physiology to disburse stress hormones such as cortisol that have the side effect of making us feel disconnected and withdrawn, decreasing our connection to anyone we love.
Cognitive Signs of Unhealed Trauma
You may experience nightmares or flashbacks that take you back to the traumatic event. Furthermore, you may struggle with mood swings, as well as disorientation and confusion, which can make it challenging to perform daily tasks.
The difference between being in love or being in trauma is that the loving relationship has depth. Trauma-based relationships have an empty feeling to them. They lack substance and have a superficial feel to them despite the words “I love you” being thrown around regularly.
The experience of trauma can leave us with expectations of harm or betrayal in our adult romantic relationships. Trauma survivors, particularly survivors of childhood abuse, may feel highly vulnerable when it comes to relationships and may often feel confused about what is safe and appropriate, and what is not.
You might have difficulties trusting, low self-esteem, fears of being judged, constant attempts to please, outbursts of frustration, or social anxiety symptoms that won't let up. Can childhood trauma be healed?
A feeling of shame; an innate feeling that they are bad, worthless, or without importance. Suffering from chronic or ongoing depression. Practicing avoidance of people, places, or things that may be related to the traumatic event; this also can include an avoidance of unpleasant emotions.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” – Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW.
Neglected past trauma can have a large effect on your future health. The psychological and physical responses it triggers can make you susceptible to severe health conditions including stroke, heart attack, weight problems, diabetes, and cancer, according to a Harvard Medical School research study.