In some cases, that wound to our inner child could be the result of trauma, abuse, or abandonment. In other cases, the source of the pain may be more subtle – experiencing unmet emotional needs, the illness of a parent or sibling, growing up in a broken family, or even a childhood friend moving away.
Sometimes we learned lessons as a child that get in the way of open learning and adaptation today. That's where inner child work comes in. As children, we act out our experiences, thoughts, feelings, and dreams through our play. Our creativity becomes the basis of how we prepare for the real world.
Becoming more aware of the inner child through therapy or a personal journey can help unearth that pain and ultimately offer healing. Acknowledging the inner child involves recognizing and accepting things that caused pain in childhood, bringing them to light to understand their impact now (Raypole, 2021).
The Emotionally Wounded Inner Child
When children are emotionally and mentally injured, neglected, or even abused in childhood, those inner wounds never heal. The child may act out, including having temper tantrums, facing challenges in making friends, and remaining suspicious of the motives of others.
Healing your inner child doesn't happen overnight; the work can take years. But it's worth it, Stern says. “You'll probably be capable of healthier adult relationships,” she notes.
You lose your inner child at the point when you think that you do not need it anymore. You lose it when you succumb to the pressures of society, when you get a little too conscious, and when you think that others might begin to laugh at you.
An inner child may also show themself positively through playful behaviors, joking, adventurousness, impulsivity, creativity, and imagination. Often, when people connect with their inner child, they might do so without meaning to. It is also common to explore inner child therapy due to a traumatic childhood event.
The qualities of the inner child
Here's a few: trust, liveliness, innocence, curiosity, joy, boldness, clarity, wonder, lightness, purity, playfulness, openness… Qualities we recognize in young children (making them so adorable) but that we somehow seem to have left behind in the process of growing up.
It's a valuable concept from psychology, and it refers to the childlike part of your unconscious mind. Many trace the concept of an inner child back to psychiatrist Carl Jung. Essentially, our inner child is the forgiving, free-spirited part of us that still feels and experiences life as a child.
Inner child wounds, or attachment wounds, can occur when there is either a traumatic event or chronic rupture without repair. For children, a rupture without repair can look like crying out for help but being unheard by an emotionally unavailable caretaker.
Letting your inner child come out to play is pivotal in reducing stress, increasing creativity, solving problems, building resilience and making friends. From blowing bubbles and coloring, to playing catch and conquering an obstacle course, the possibilities for play are endless—and often simple.
Communicate aloud with your inner child
If you feel strained or upset, comfort your reflection. Speak words you would want to hear from someone you love. Speak words you never heard as a child but desperately needed to hear. Say exactly what your inner child needs to hear right now.
If your daughter feels unloved, she may suffer from several emotional problems. Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more. These feelings are often the result of the way her parents treated her during her childhood.
Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma
Lack of trust and difficulty opening up to other people6. Dissociation and a persistent feeling of numbness7. Control issues, to overcompensate for feeling helpless during the traumatic incident8. Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness9.
Nurture and love – Often our inner child needs love and reassurance. Speaking this way to ourselves, our inner child can help soothe negative feelings and create the feelings of safety they lacked.
It is inherited by our children and unless they break the cycle, their children too. Each partner has the responsibility of healing their own inner child. This can be done in individual therapy as well as in couples' therapy.
Strategies for healing the inner child include conversing with our inner child, allowing the space for whatever emotions arise, giving voice to the emotional pain that your inner child feels, or writing a letter to your inner child.
But, psychologically speaking, this is not adulthood. True adulthood hinges on acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and parenting one's own inner child. For most adults, this never happens.