Someone with narcissistic personality may become “addicted” to gaslighting, needing more control to keep up their self-esteem. Many gaslighters use the target's shame and confusion to isolate them. The person may withdraw from loved ones for fear they will side with the abuser.
Certain personality types tend to be more manipulative than others. People with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and sociopaths are more likely to gaslight those around them.
“There are two main reasons why a gaslighter behaves as they do,” Sarkis explains. “It is either a planned effort to gain control and power over another person, or it because someone was raised by a parent or parents who were gaslighters, and they learned these behaviors as a survival mechanism.”
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Research published in The Journal of Sexual Aggression suggests that gaslighters share some common personality traits such as being emotionally unavailable, withdrawn, irresponsible, impulsive, distractable, and lacking in common sense and self-awareness.
Gaslighters are often very intelligent, says Connecticut-based psychotherapist Dori Gatter, PsyD. “Their intellect, combined with their inability to handle negative feedback, means they often assume positions of authority in the workplace.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
They lack empathy for others, and their gaslighting can cause danger to their victims both mentally and emotionally. Commonly, a gaslighter has a condition known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have admiration for themselves over others and will do whatever it takes to put themselves in control.
Below are the most common traits of a gaslighter: A highly-manipulative personality. Low sense of self-worth or self-esteem. Insecurities, covered up by constantly pointing out other peoples' flaws.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Do gaslighters know they're gaslighting? Gaslighting lies on a spectrum. Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
Highly sensitive and empathic people are particularly susceptible to the psychological abuse of gaslighting. The highly sensitive do not trust themselves and their intuition when something goes wrong. Highly sensitive and empathic people may also attract narcissistic and controlling people into their lives.
ESTPs and ENTJs have the potential to be the most toxic personality types. They have a tendency to be egotistical, competitive, and controlling. This does not mean everyone with these personality types is toxic. But it is important to be aware of these tendencies that can lead to unhealthy behavior.
This is not to say that gaslighting is the fault of the target, at all — this is to say that a gaslighter will use (often positive) characteristics of their targets to their advantage. Gaslighters tend to target people who: Like to help others.
Gaslighters attempt to gain control over others by making them question their own memory, reality, and sanity. Gaslighting is a common tactic of domestic abusers, cult leaders, sociopaths, narcissists, and dictators.
Their apologies are always conditional When someone says, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” that's not an apology; the other person is not taking responsibility for their behaviour, they're simply manipulating you. Gaslighters will only apologise if they are trying to get something out of you.
Remember that gaslighters have fragile egos, little self-esteem, and are inherently weak. Own your own strengths, be firm in your position, and know that you have the inner resources needed to protect yourself from harm.
If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior. However, if they're unwilling to recognize the pattern then the pattern is unlikely to change.
Gaslighters are known to be narcissists and authoritarian – but always with low self-esteem. They perceive themselves as gifted and brilliant and like to be recognized. However, they are also interested in obtaining and keeping power regardless of how they get it.
Gaslighters are good at convincing you that you've lost touch with reality. Whether they lie about your behavior, insist your feelings are irrational, or say your thoughts are distorted, their goal is to cause you to feel as though you're losing your mind.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
“Gaslighters will 'love bomb' you with affection, attention, and gifts, as a way to gain control and make you trust them,” Sarkis says.