Someone with NPD or narcissistic behaviors is unlikely to do things like apologize or sing your praises without it being self-serving. Narcissism can be a personality trait and a mental health disorder, and someone can have narcissistic tendencies without being labeled a “narcissist.”
By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening.
Apologies are another tool in the narcissist's box of manipulation. If you look closely, you'll see the narcissist use apologies the same way they use everything else, as a way to control people. The most important thing for a narcissist is how they appear to others, and apologizing makes them look compassionate.
Narcissists are constantly in self-protection mode. Another reason narcissists refuse to apologize is because to apologize requires empathy. Empathy is the capacity to place yourself into someone else's position and to understand what someone else is feeling.
Experts work with five main types of narcissism: overt, covert, communal, antagonistic, and malignant narcissism. They can all affect how you see yourself and interact with others. When it comes to treatment, narcissism can be tricky because many people living with it don't necessarily feel the need to change.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
When your spouse refuses to apologize, a big reason could be because they found themselves feeling very defensive. There is a chance that there may have been situations where their mistakes were pointed out by you before they could have the opportunity to process and realize it themselves.
“Usually people aren't sorry, they just don't want to go and apologizing is a passive way to avoid telling them that.” It's fine to say no to invitations without offering an apology or explanation; if it is someone you'd like to see at a different time, then tell them that and make plans to meet up in the future.
Forgiveness doesn't free the other person; it frees you. This means you can forgive, and bring closure to a hurt, even if the other person never reaches out in apology. If you find it hard to forgive because the hurt cuts too deep, take time to heal, but remember that anger is not your strength.
There are plenty of tell-tale signs, like self-importance, a lack of empathy, a demanding personality and an excessive need for admiration.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people. Someone who validates their feelings, overlooks their flaws, and who isn't likely to leave them during the narcissistic abuse.
While an outward show of superiority is a definite part of the narcissistic personality, a sense of superiority (or pursuit of it) is not the central factor of the disorder. The root of the disorder is actually a strict resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone at any time.
To keep their victims nearby, then, they'll make apologies left and right without taking any real actions to improve themselves or make amends. These are not real apologies—they are manipulation tactics. Any counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist in the world will attest that an apology without change is manipulation.
Not only have you already let the person down, but now you've refused to acknowledge a shared reality, which leaves them isolated with their feelings of hurt and/or anger. By refusing to mend the initial problem, you've undermined confidence in their relationship with you.
"It's always OK not to accept an apology, but I think [it's] what an individual needs that determines when and if it's appropriate to accept it. Many people see accepting an apology as a way of saying that what the person did is acceptable, but I don't take it to mean that.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.