Stage 7: Going Through a Crisis and Recovery
The seventh stage can occur at any time of the relationship, and this is so far the most challenging stage. A crisis in your relationship may be a death, illness, employment problems, or having an affair. Going through these problems might put a strain on your relationship.
In that time, I've noticed something: the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest (i.e. 1, 3. 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29…) Often, it seems these years correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage.
Breaking Through the Honeymoon Stage. Most relationships that end do so somewhere within stage three. Other relationships can last for years and never make it out of stage three, but the relationship is not healthy and neither partner is fulfilled.
Stage 4: Commitment or Engagement
At this stage in a relationship, couples should have a good understanding of their partner's values, life style, and goals for the future. There should be a relationship with each other's family and friends, and this may be the start of a commitment phase.
Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you. If a guy or girl tries to control what you wear or where you go, this could be a red flag.
"For one person that may be one date, but for someone else it may be one hundred dates, and that's okay as long as both parties consent." If you're curious about how long other couples tend to wait though, a 2017 Groupon survey found that most people held off for an average of eight dates before sleeping with someone.
The most common reasons for breakups usually include fading feelings, infidelity, a lack of effort, a loss of trust, and a pattern of unproductive, unhealthy fights.
If you've ever wondered who the dumper in the average US long term couple is, breakup statistics say that women are more likely to call it quits than men. 76% of women said that they had ended the relationship, just like 62% of men. Women might end things more often, but they also feel more pain after.
While each situation is different, there are a variety of reasons why relationships don't go the distance. The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.
There is no particular month in a relationship that is difficult. You can be together for years and then suddenly face a hard situation in the relationship. Most people consider the first six months of the relationship to be tough since it's the beginning and they have to take time out to get to know each other.
That's how the term “seven-year itch” was born. “It's now used as a catchall term to describe feeling dissatisfied or restless in a relationship at or around the seven-year mark,” Dr. Borland explains.
After about seven months together, couples have a general idea of how each other work and may have already said, "I love you." Think about it this way: Someone who has only dated around and hasn't been in a committed relationship before may absolutely consider seven months to be a long-term relationship.
In the deteriorating stage, relationships start to decline and may eventually be terminated. Typically, in this stage, people may start to avoid the other person, decrease communication with them, or engage in increased conflict (Verderber & Verderber, 2013).
And it seems it's especially common to reach this brink about three years in. It's called the three-year itch — a phenomenon where tensions rise and couples are forced to either part ways, or adapt. Make it or break it.
The Awkward Stage
While some chance encounters result in instant chemistry, there's typically an initial awkwardness to slough off before the first date—and even during it. Testing the tepid waters of "do they like me, do they like me not" can be the toughest part.
And, according to the findings, the average age you'll find your partner varies from gender to gender. That's right - the research found that the average woman finds their life partner at the age of 25, while for men, they're more likely to find their soulmate at 28.
“Women tend to recover faster because they know how attached they are to their partners, so the shock isn't as great,” says Brown. “The pain is still there, to be sure, but it typically doesn't last as long because women intuitively know what the magnitude of the loss will be if things don't work out.”
The most destructive relationship behaviours are those the Gottmann Institute has deemed the 'Four Horsemen' – criticism, defensiveness, contempt (eye-rolling, disgust, dismissal or ridiculing), stonewalling, and the silent treatment. Of these, contempt has been shown to be the greatest predictor of divorce.
The average relationship length is 2 years and 9 months. A long-term relationship is 2+ years long. 70% of relationships fail in the first year.
It probably won't come as a surprise that young adults in their 20s have longer lasting relationships that teenagers. One small study of 103 adolescents found that 21-year-olds have an average relationship length four times that of 15-year-olds. These relationships can last two to four years.
If you feel that your partner and you are aligned with reasonable expectations and fulfil them, then you definitely are made for each other. In addition, if you two involve each other in your future plan, then it is an evident sign of a lasting relationship.
According to this rule, a 28-year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a 50-year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7).
There is only one hard and fast rule when it comes to finally having sex with your crush: do it when you're comfortable. We expect nothing more, nothing less. Despite what your favorite sitcom told you growing up, there is no such thing as the "three date rule" in today's world.
According to a 2015 dating survey conducted by Time Out of 11,000 people worldwide, people decide to go exclusive and stop seeing other people after six dates — which, for many, falls in line with the one- to two-month mark. They officially declare themselves a couple after nine dates, on average.