Narcissists pretend to love you because it helps them validate their grandiose self-perception, they can chase their ideal love, and because it gives them a significant amount of power and control over your thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs, wishes, goals, and aspirations.
Sense of Superiority
And so on. One of the common ways narcissists manage their shaky sense of self-esteem is by comparing themselves to others and convincing themselves that they are better. So, by being or appearing as giving and helpful, they can feel superior to others.
People with strong narcissistic tendencies regulate their low, shaky sense of self-esteem by pretending to be superior, and by putting others down. Lying and pretending also has a different purpose: it helps the narcissistic person trick, manipulate, and abuse others.
Narcissists have little substance. And are comfortable pretending to be someone they're not, if it gets them what they want. Some can keep the nice act up for years. A little schmoozing may not be that bad.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people. “They are number one in their lives.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Habitual Non-Listening
Ever spoken with someone who responded dismissively to everything you said? Narcissists brush aside or deprecate what others say instead of truly listening.
Narcissists do this to discredit others and put them on the defensive. Example: You always said people have to take responsibility for themselves so I didnt think you needed my help when you had to go to the ER. 11) Ridicule: Mocking or humiliating another person or their requests or feelings.
In fact, many narcissists claim to be the innocent victim of a person who is actually their victim—someone they have been abusing. Narcissists can convince themselves of almost anything if it protects their self-esteem.
Key points. Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and have a reputation as such. Narcissists would rather be admired than liked. Narcissists are masters at making first impressions, leading them to do better with short-term relationships.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
They will never be happy for you.
They are unwilling to think about your needs. They lack insight into your emotions. They believe you should feel the same way they feel. “Most narcissists lack the capacity to give significant, authentic love and empathy, and you have no choice but to deal with this reality …
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Narcissists use sex and the pretence of emotion to control others. They like to be in control, and often derive pleasure from giving or withdrawing sex or affection to this end. 10. Narcissists are not really capable of feeling guilty, and feel no shame about lying if they think that it will get them what they want.
There's nothing a narcissist fears more than being left alone. Block their phone number, unfriend them on social media, and don't even acknowledge their presence if you're ever in the same room with one another. This won't just scare a narcissist—it will devastate them.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Beyond the desire to focus primarily on themselves and be held in high regard by virtually everyone in their lives, people with malignant narcissism tend to have a darker side to their self-absorption. These individuals can be highly manipulative and don't care who they hurt as long as they get their own way.