Pallbearers typically sit together in one of the first rows on the right. At some funerals, pallbearers sit with their family or friends in the congregation. If this is the case, just make sure that you speak with the funeral director so you understand when you are required to leave your seat to help move the casket.
In many funerals, the pallbearers are seated together in a special section of the funeral setting as a group. When most or all of the pallbearers are family members, they may choose to be seated with their family.
Pallbearers need to dress appropriately. Unless the bereaved specify otherwise, men should wear dark, solid suits with white shirts and conservative ties, and women should wear dark pantsuits or dresses. You really don't want to trip when carrying the casket.
Participating in a funeral as a pallbearer is a time-honored tradition and a sign of trust. It's both an honor and a responsibility. After all, you have been asked to accompany a dearly loved person to their final resting place, which means the family trusts and values you.
How Many Pallbearers Should We Select? Most of the time, families choose six pallbearers to carry the casket, but it is not uncommon to choose eight active pallbearers. If the family selects six pallbearers, three pallbearers will carry the casket on each side.
Pallbearers will have to carry the casket with the body inside, so they will have to transport the body's weight and the coffin. 370 to 400 pounds is the final weight that pallbearers will carry if the casket is standard sized, 200 pounds heavy, whereas the adult body is 200 pounds (male) or 170 pounds (female).
Due to this heaviness, pallbearers are typically males over the age of 16. However, women can also serve as pallbearers. Those chosen are often close to the departed or the bereaved family.
Opinions differ on whether family members should be asked to be pallbearers. Some people consider it a no-no, while others are fine with including family members. It's possible that immediate family members of the deceased, like siblings or children, may be grieving too deeply to be tasked with this job.
Pallbearer etiquette
Carry the coffin with dignity and respect. Carefully follow the funeral director's instructions. Wear smart and appropriate attire. Walk slowly and steadily. Arrive at the funeral slightly early.
Whether it is a father, mother, son, daughter, uncle, aunt, cousin, husband, wife, or best friend, it is crucial that a pallbearer is emotionally, mentally and physically capable of carrying out the task. If any person is unfit mentally, emotionally or physically, they can serve as an honorary pallbearer.
There is no standard for pallbearer gifts, but those who opt to provide them should make sure that the gesture is meaningful and honors the service—even if just a small token of gratitude.
Being a pallbearer requires that you help carry a heavy coffin at waist height with the help of five to seven other pallbearers. The weight of both the decedent and the casket varies but expect to help bear 300 pounds of weight or more.
As early as the 1700s, gloves were given to pallbearers by the deceased's family to handle the casket. They were a symbol of purity, and considered a symbol of respect and honor.
Unless they have chosen to be seated beforehand, the family comes next, chief mourner(s) first, walking with whomever he or she chooses. Close friends may follow, completing the procession. The family and pallbearers occupy the front rows, with friends filling vacant places on either side.
Conventionally, you will see men as pallbearers. However, women can also serve as pallbearers at a funeral. It depends on who volunteers for it and whether all the family members are on board with the decision.
The general rule is the closer one sits to the coffin or the front the closer one is to the deceased. For example immediate family (such as siblings, children, etc) and very close friends will sit in the front row or two. While co-workers and general friends will sit towards the middle or back.
Coffins and caskets alone, on average, can weigh around 25-40kg, but can weigh up to 100kg. The actual weight including the deceased will, of course, vary. We would suggest that only those of a reasonable level of fitness and the confidence to carry at least 25kg take on this important role.
If you have been asked to be a pallbearer but do not feel comfortable performing this role, it is perfectly acceptable to decline. There is no shame in admitting that carrying a casket is not something you feel comfortable doing. If you decline, simply thank the family for asking and express your condolences.
Coffins are carried feet first simply because of health and safety, rather than any kind of ceremonial tradition.
In most funerals, there are some common choices while selecting pallbearers. Siblings, adult children, grown-up grandchildren or close friends, colleagues or nephews and nieces are frequently selected as pallbearers. There is no written rule as to who can handle this task.
The people you choose can be close family members and close friends of the deceased. It's better to pick individuals of the same height so that it's easier to carry the coffin and the weight is evenly distributed. There can be either 6 or 4 pallbearers depending on the weight of the casket.
It is not common to see women carrying the casket, but that is not to say that there is anything wrong with women taking up this honourable duty in a funeral service.
Carrying the coffin is often an emotionally-charged experience, one which makes a person's death seem very real. It can be an important way for you to say goodbye to the person who has died, supporting them and accompanying them on their final journey.
It is a common practice to cover the legs as there is swelling in the feet and shoes don't fit. As part of funeral care, the body is dressed and preserved, with the prime focus on the face. Post embalming, bodies are often placed without shoes; hence covering the legs is the way to offer a dignified funeral.
Pallbearers are usually close family members and friends. Siblings, adult children, grown grandchildren, nieces and nephews, close friends, and colleagues are all common choices for pallbearers. However, anyone can serve as a pallbearer.