Pallbearers typically sit together in one of the first rows on the right. At some funerals, pallbearers sit with their family or friends in the congregation. If this is the case, just make sure that you speak with the funeral director so you understand when you are required to leave your seat to help move the casket.
Unless the family expresses a desire otherwise, it is customary in most cases for pallbearers to wear a suit, sports coat, and optional tie. It is not necessary, of course, but the dress represents the dignity & respect of the role.
Pallbearer duties
A pallbearer is responsible for carrying the coffin or casket of the deceased from the hearse to its final place of rest, depending on whether it is a cremation or burial service.
Blessings/Prayers - guests join a specific speaker in prayer. Eulogy - a loved one gives a speech about the person who's died. Committal - guests say their goodbyes to the person who's died, before they reach their final resting place. Closing music - hymns (or other music) play as guests leave the venue.
Once the casket is secure in the hearse, the pallbearers will join the funeral procession. They often ride in a special car or limousine so they can meet the casket as soon as it arrives at the gravesite. This vehicle drives immediately behind the hearse and the other vehicles following behind.
Pallbearers typically sit together in one of the first rows on the right. At some funerals, pallbearers sit with their family or friends in the congregation. If this is the case, just make sure that you speak with the funeral director so you understand when you are required to leave your seat to help move the casket.
Traditionally, there are six pallbearers at a funeral, as there are usually six handles on a casket (three on each side), though there are often two handles on the front and back sides of a casket, allowing for eight pallbearers.
The front rows are for the immediate family so sit nearer the back if you did not know the person very well. However, if there are few mourners present then sit nearer to the front. It does not matter which side of the 'aisle' you sit.
The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life. Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson.
Typically, members of the immediate family stand in the receiving line at a funeral. The immediate family typically includes the spouse, children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, grandparents, and in-laws of the deceased. If the deceased had a large family, this could make for a rather lengthy receiving line.
If you're overcome with emotion and crying, you will find it's more challenging to carry out your tasks. Take a few deep breaths and try to keep yourself calm. Crying is ok, but at the same time, the work of a pallbearer is important and will require focus.
There is no standard for pallbearer gifts, but those who opt to provide them should make sure that the gesture is meaningful and honors the service—even if just a small token of gratitude.
Coffins alone generally weigh between 150-250 pounds and must be carried at waist height. Due to this heaviness, pallbearers are typically males over the age of 16. However, women can also serve as pallbearers. Those chosen are often close to the departed or the bereaved family.
Is Carrying a Coffin Heavy for Pallbearers? Yes, carrying a coffin can be burdensome for pallbearers. The body, casket, and hardware may weigh 400 pounds. If that weight is divided evenly among six pallbearers, each one is responsible for about 66 pounds.
Pallbearers are usually close family members and friends. Siblings, adult children, grown grandchildren, nieces and nephews, close friends, and colleagues are all common choices for pallbearers. However, anyone can serve as a pallbearer.
The role of pallbearer or honorary pallbearer is both an honor and a great responsibility. The duties primarily consist of helping to carry or accompany the casket throughout a traditional funeral or burial.
The officiant will usually lead the procession and pallbearers carrying the coffin tend to follow. Immediate family and close friends will often walk behind the coffin, followed by other guests.
In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person's cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories. Instead, share good memories and leave it out when in doubt.
The worst things to say at a funeral
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
Who sits with the family at a funeral? Proper funeral etiquette dictates that the closer you are to the deceased, the closer you will be to the casket. Spouse, parents, and children of the deceased will sit closest to the front. Sometimes close friends and "honorary family members" will sit with the grieving family.
Traditionally, the order of family in a funeral procession is direct family immediately behind the hearse, followed by close family and friends. Then others who were important to your loved one might join the procession, like neighbours, carers or colleagues.
Visitation, Wake or Viewing
Held the night before or immediately prior to the funeral service, the visitation – also called a wake or a viewing – provides a way for friends and acquaintances to pay respects and offer condolences.
Usually the head end of the coffin is the heaviest, thus the strongest two of your six pallbearers should take the handles at this end.
Family members and close friends are common choices. Either men or women can be pallbearers as long as they are physically capable of doing so. Sometimes, honorary pallbearers can stand in place of individuals that are incapable of physically lifting the casket.
There are actually no rules about who can carry a coffin at a funeral. Anyone can be a pallbearer as long as they feel able to do it. Plus, you can always ask the funeral director what will work best.