Most attachment specialists believe that the disorganized attachment style is the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat because it incorporates both the anxious and the avoidant styles.
Disorganized attachment is the most extreme insecure attachment style, therapist Chamin Ajjan, M.S., LCSW, A-CBT, tells mbg. People with a disorganized attachment style have a strong desire for intimate connections but also put up walls to protect themselves from getting hurt.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
The belief that others will hurt them and that they can't measure up in a relationship lead those with a fearful-avoidant attachment to have a range of issues. Fearful-avoidant attachment is often considered the worst in terms of potential negative outcomes.
Abuse at the hands of someone with an avoidant personality disorder often includes psychological and emotional abuse. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely.
Avoidant attachers may be prone to sabotaging their healthy relationships. Their mistrust of their partners' intentions, combined with their fear of intimacy, can sometimes lead to them subconsciously behave in a way that pushes their partners away.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style. It is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.
Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
About Gaslighting
People with an anxious/preoccupied style of attachment, who worry and fret about signs and signals that they're about to be left or betrayed, present ideal candidates for gaslighting.
Fearful-Avoidant, aka Disorganized Attachment
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is the rarest, and "develops when the child's caregivers — the only source of safety — become a source of fear," according to the Attachment Project, an attachment style education site.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
The Avoidant Attachment Style and Ghosting
People high on attachment avoidance are typically more likely to be the ghoster than the ghostee. According to research, they tend to use more “indirect” ways to end a relationship, such as avoiding their partner, withdrawing, or distancing their communication.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment is a kind of attachment style characterized by someone avoiding vulnerability, closeness, and intimate attachment to others. A dismissive-avoidant person may avoid relationships and crave independence.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse used by love avoidants instilling the love addict's extreme sense of anxiety. And confusion to the point they no longer trust their own memory, perception, or judgment. The techniques love avoidants use in gaslighting are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture.
Although anyone can do it, love bombing is most often associated with people who have an anxious or insecure attachment style or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Narcissistic Parenting
Narcissistic personalities are incapable of providing the empathetic attunement that infants and children need to form secure attachment patterns. This is because they lack the self-regulation, emotional maturity, and capacity for intimate connection needed to form trusting bonds with anyone.
Narcissists have insecure attachment styles that are either avoidant or anxious, or some combination. People with insecure attachment styles feel a basic insecurity stemming from relationships with early caregivers.
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs.
Avoidant attachment is an attachment style a child develops when their parent or main caretaker doesn't show care or responsiveness past providing essentials like food and shelter. The child disregards their own struggles and needs in order to maintain peace and keep their caregiver close by.
Disorganized attachment style
Disorganized attachment is the most extreme and least common style. People with disorganized attachment can be seen to act irrationally and be unpredictable or intense in their relationships.
The avoidant one of the pair then has someone who is constantly after them, even if they put in little effort. While the anxious person's fears of not being enough are validated, the avoidant person is safe in the knowledge their partner won't hurt them. It's a familiar — yet toxic — cycle.
On the other hand, the avoidant person will be attracted to the anxious person as they provide endless amounts of love, intimacy and warmth, something they perhaps didn't experience growing up.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.
Fearful avoidants often “deactivate” their attachment systems due to repeated rejections by others9. When they are in distress, they deactivate their attachment behavior. Consequently, the more upset their romantic partner is, the less likely a fearful-avoidant adult is to offer comfort and support10.