Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
Those who suffer with Avoidant Personality Disorder frequently use manipulation to get their needs met. Perfectionism; nothing is good enough, the standard is set unrealistically high for themselves and often for others.
Anxious and avoidant relationships are considered unhealthy or insecure attachments. They can often lead to relationships that cause you great anxiety, distress, or emotional pain. Alternatively, you can also form attachments to objects. These attachment objects can play a role in how safe you feel.
Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
About Gaslighting
People with an anxious/preoccupied style of attachment, who worry and fret about signs and signals that they're about to be left or betrayed, present ideal candidates for gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse used by love avoidants instilling the love addict's extreme sense of anxiety. And confusion to the point they no longer trust their own memory, perception, or judgment. The techniques love avoidants use in gaslighting are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment is a kind of attachment style characterized by someone avoiding vulnerability, closeness, and intimate attachment to others. A dismissive-avoidant person may avoid relationships and crave independence.
Although anyone can do it, love bombing is most often associated with people who have an anxious or insecure attachment style or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Love avoidants are often narcissistic, self-important and self-involved. By being focused on himself, he is able to avoid becoming closer to his partner.
People with avoidant personality disorder behave as though the pain they feel in certain circumstances gives them license to act without consideration for other people. This lack of empathy is common in the avoidant personality. And it is a classic sign of narcissistic personality disorder.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Both avoidant and anxious attachment are both insecure types of attachment. Just over 50% of people are securely attached to their partner. The securely attached are the least likely to be unfaithful as they do not worry about their partner straying or the strength of the relationship.
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs.
Deceitfulness and exceptional manipulative abilities are the most common traits among antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. It is the major feature found in the dark triad personality traits, particularly Machiavellianism.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Avoidant attachers may be prone to sabotaging their healthy relationships. Their mistrust of their partners' intentions, combined with their fear of intimacy, can sometimes lead to them subconsciously behave in a way that pushes their partners away.
Abuse at the hands of someone with an avoidant personality disorder often includes psychological and emotional abuse. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely.
Because of this emotional distancing, they tend to be less empathic toward people in need (Joireman, Needham, & Cummings, 2001; Wayment, 2006). Further, avoidant people tend to respond negatively to their partner's emotions because those emotions can signal that they need more attention and intimacy.
People with a fearful avoidant attachment style have low self-esteem and elevated anxiety. They will be extremely hard on themselves and think that their inability to form close bonds is due to their own worthlessness or unattractiveness.
Cook says hopeless romantics are often coping with anxious attachment, which goes hand-in-hand with a fear of abandonment. "With anxious attachment, we feel desperate to find a connection — sometimes, any connection — and will do just about anything to hold onto it, even if it is not serving us."
“If you grew up in an emotionally detached and/or abusive family or learned to feel loved by receiving gifts, you may be vulnerable to love bombers,” Dr. Fox said. “This is where a therapist can help you process your past experiences and identify a checklist of what healthy relationships should really look like.”
Fearful Avoidant
These individuals frequently find themselves bouncing between highs and lows in both relationships and friendships. They fear being isolated from others, but also push people away and are inherently suspicious. They may start fights or create conflict, but fear rejection. They have few close friends.
A dismissive-avoidant person cannot form supportive relationships. They are not comfortable providing support to friends or romantic partners and they feel less obligated to do so. Their view of those who seek support is that they are dependent, weak, emotionally unstable, and immature.
In fact, the avoidant person may tell themselves they are doing their partner a favor. But conflict avoidant lies tend to repeat and compound until the interpersonal challenges and dynamics that led to them in the first place are dealt with and resolved.