Who should receive sympathy
While you do not have to write a thank you card in response to a simple note of sympathy or condolences you've received after a death, it is traditional to thank those who have really gone out of their way to help you or to honor your loved one.
Everyone who has sent a personal note, flowers, or a donation should get a written thank-you. A close friend or relative can write the notes on the recipient's behalf.
Who should receive sympathy thank you notes? You don't need to send a formal thank you note to everyone who attended the funeral/visitation or sent you a sympathy card. Instead, a thank you note or acknowledgement should be sent to anyone who has done something extra, including: People who sent or brought flowers.
Funeral directors can supply you with generalized thank you cards or the family may choose to send a more personal thank you note. The note should be a concise, personal, and specific. Also, yielding to modern tradition, a simple thank you card with a signature is accepted, with or without a personal note.
Luckily for you, there is no 'right time', and you should only send cards when you feel ready. However, if you do feel comfortable sending out thank you cards soon after the funeral then we would recommend to send them between two and four weeks after the day.
"You meant so much to _____, and I am so grateful for your attendance." "Your participation and assistance during the funeral were greatly appreciated." "Thank you for supporting me. Your presence made me feel more comfortable."
You can mail it to them or hand it to them after a graveside service, a Catholic funeral Mass, or a memorial Mass.
Writing to the funeral director from your heart is always the best way to thank a funeral home – they have been involved with your family during a very personal and emotional time and it is advisable to write on how you feel appropriate.
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
Generally, sympathy cards are sent to the widow(er), eldest child, or a parent. If you did not know the deceased personally, send the sympathy card to the closest relative that you knew. If it's a grieving friend and you didn't know the deceased person's family, only send the card to your friend.
Some may wonder if all of these things should be acknowledged with a sympathy thank you card. While it is always recommended that a floral arrangement, gift basket or mass card is acknowledged with a thank you card it is considered optional to send one when receiving sympathy cards.
Because pallbearers are such a big part of the funeral service, many families write thank you notes for their service. It's customary for the family of the deceased to send these notes soon after the service. These are a symbol of the family's gratitude and thanks.
Thank you for the beautiful floral arrangement you sent for ____'s funeral. It was such a thoughtful gift and really brightened the room. Thank you for the gorgeous flowers and for your love and friendship during this difficult time. We were so touched to receive the flowers you sent and appreciate your kindness.
Many surviving loved ones and attendees place cash in sympathy cards and then drop off those cards at the funeral or memorial service. If the immediate family requested donations for a specific charity, cause or organization, you should not make your gift in cash directly to the family.
A general rule of thumb is that donations should be in line with the cost of a bouquet of funeral flowers. Even just a nominal donation for people on tight budgets is a welcome gesture. Funeral flowers tend to cost in the range of $50 to $80 for a moderate to well-sized bouquet, and $100 or more for a large wreath.
Generally, it would depend on factors like your closeness to the deceased or family, your own financial ability, and the family's perceived need. The most common minimum amount is $30. From there, you can increase the amount if you'd like, as long as the initial digits make up an odd number.
You should send the Sympathy Card to the closest relative of the person who has died (i.e. the widow or eldest child). In the case where you are familiar with the person grieving, but not the deceased themselves, you can address your Sympathy card to your acquaintance.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.