The front rows are for the immediate family so sit nearer the back if you did not know the person very well. However, if there are few mourners present then sit nearer to the front. It does not matter which side of the 'aisle' you sit.
Funeral Seating Guidelines
At many funerals, relatives of the deceased sit on the right side. Friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and others typically sit on the left. The front rows are reserved for close relatives.
For the most part, the first few rows of seating are designated for family only, with immediate family (and spouses or significant others) sitting in the very first row and extended family members sitting behind them.
At the funeral service, family traditionally sit on the right-hand side while friends, colleagues and other mourners sit on the left. Immediate family and close friends sit in the front few rows.
The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life. Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson.
Legally, it is up to the deceased's executor or personal representative to make decisions about their funeral and burial, although executors often feel morally bound to follow the testator's wishes.
The eulogy itself is typically given by a close family member, friend or a minister. There's no reason why two people cannot deliver the eulogy, or in some cases, it may be more appropriate to open the eulogies to all attendees.
At the funeral, the front rows of seating are reserved for family and pallbearers. The closest family should sit in the front, with additional close family members behind them, such as cousins or grandchildren.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.
Depending on the tradition, pallbearers would either carry the coffin on their shoulders or by their waist. At times additional pallbearers, known as honorary pallbearers, walk either behind or directly in front of the casket in a showcase of supplemental distinction towards the deceased.
Traditionally, the order of family in a funeral procession is direct family immediately behind the hearse, followed by close family and friends. Then others who were important to your loved one might join the procession, like neighbours, carers or colleagues.
The deceased can leave wishes regarding who is to attend their funeral, however these wishes are not legally binding. It will be at the discretion of the legal personal representative to determine whether someone is prevented from attending a funeral, and how they will go about it.
The funeral director will then walk in front of the hearse for a short distance. This is a mark of respect to the deceased and also gives following cars an opportunity to join the cortege.
The processional is led by the officiant and is followed by the pallbearers who carry the casket. Next, the family and kin to the deceased walk down the aisle, followed by close friends as they take their seats in the first few rows. A funeral recessional marks the end of the funeral service.
While this might be clear-cut for close family, it's not always obvious when it comes to an ex-partner's funeral. In general, since you are no longer part of the close family, you should sit towards the back in the friend section. The only exception to this is if you have shared children with your ex.
It is important to remember that, when carrying a coffin or casket, the person inside is always carried feet first – the only exception is a vicar, who is carried head first to face their congregation. Coffins are carried feet first simply because of health and safety, rather than any kind of ceremonial tradition.
The worst things to say at a funeral
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
Avoid platitudes that can perceived as insensitive, like "He's in a better place," and "The pain will lessen in time." Don't ask how the person died, or tell the bereaved you know how they feel.
A funeral is a time to show your respect as you honor the life of the deceased, and your clothing should reflect that. For men, dark suits or slacks and a dress shirt is preferred. For women, a dress, business suit, or dress pants and nice sweater. Stick to colors like black, navy, grey, or red-violet.
What should I wear to a visitation vs a funeral? You should wear dark and muted colors to both a visitation and a funeral. However, at a funeral, you'll typically be expected to wear more formal clothing, such as a suit or a dress.
Much like funeral service itself has evolved over the years, so too has dressing for a funeral. If you find yourself debating what to wear to a funeral, the best answer is dress conservatively. Wearing a suit or nice dress and being considered overdressed is never a bad thing.
If you're unsure how to end your eulogy, finish with a simple goodbye, or a thank you for the memories you shared. You might choose to use traditional phrases like 'rest in peace' or 'sleep well'. Or you can use something less formal, like a greeting or joke you used to share with the person who has died.