Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD describe their partner as fun, exciting, and passionate. Many people are initially drawn to people with BPD precisely because they have intense emotions and a strong desire for intimacy.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
BPD dating another BPD is two times the tremendous high of idealized love, emotional intensity, pleasure, excitement, adventure, and passion. It's also double the lows, fears of abandonment, violence, outbursts, exhaustion, and suicidality. The relationship is extremely difficult but also very beautiful.
2 It's a way of coping with anxiety in which an object or person of ambivalence is viewed as perfect, or as having exaggerated positive qualities. Idealization reduces anxiety by protecting the person from emotional conflicts that might emerge in a relationship.
According to Elinor Greenberg, PhD, “Borderline and Narcissistic individuals often fall in love because they are at approximately the same level with regard to their “Intimacy Skills.” They both are likely to be in the early stages of learning how to successfully maintain intimate relationships.
In the case of sexuality, a trend toward impulsive behavior may lead to reckless sexual behavior as well. People with BPD are most at risk of engaging in impulsive acts when they are experiencing intense emotional responses, or when they are disinhibited by alcohol or other substances.
Differences Between BPD and NPD
People with BPD are more likely to self-harm and attempt suicide, while people with NPD are more likely to be harmful and verbally abusive towards others.
Objective. Individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) commonly have a favorite person (FP), whom they are heavily emotionally attached to and dependent on.
Fact: People with BPD are capable of giving and receiving love. People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love.
Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States2 living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their 'favorite person,' and may be anyone from a teacher, to a best friend, or even a family member.
First Stage of a BPD Relationship: Attraction
It'll appear like there are a lot of interests, and the BPD partner may even display similar mannerisms to their lover – mirroring them.
Dating someone with BPD doesn't have to feel draining. If you are feeling like that, you are not alone and it isn't a sign that you don't love your partner. It takes time to learn how to communicate and be with people who are struggling but it's possible to have a healthy and happy relationship.
Key points. People with BPD often have intense emotions and impulsive behaviors. People with BPD may blame other people for their behaviors and emotions. A person with BPD can be in a loving relationship if certain adjustments are made.
“First, everything feels good, uplifting, and safe — they might think of you as their favorite person.” At the start of the relationship, your partner with BPD might tend to idealize you and everything you do. They may focus all their attention on you, singing your praises, and demanding your attention.
But, people with Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality Disorders can find one another attractive and may actually forge more stable relationships with one another, at times, than they can with people without personality disorders.
Is narcissism a symptom of BPD? Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Deep passion
This is partly because of their fear of abandonment but because they simply love people and crave deep connections. As a result, people with BPD tend to be very passionate partners. They are often tender and loving and go to great lengths to optimize their relationships.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Mirroring can be a form of Dissociation, where a person's strong feelings create “facts” which are less than true. A man switches accents to mimic a colleague. A woman wears identical clothing to her friend. A mother wears her daughter's clothing.
However, if the favorite person does something that the individual perceives as abandonment or rejection, they may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. These emotions can be all-consuming, leading to suicidal ideation, self-harm, or impulsive behavior.
A fear of abandonment is central to BPD. That can present obvious problems in a relationship, especially when you're just getting to know someone and have no idea where things are heading. Unfortunately, intense fear can lead to your partner being clingy or making unreasonable demands on your time.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
BPD splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD). It's when a person sees everything as black or white, good or bad, or best or worst. Splitting is a defense mechanism people living with BPD use to deal with emotions (such as the fear of abandonment) that they cannot handle.
They may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them, make you doubt reality and your sanity. It's not unusual for them to cut off friends and relatives who they feel have betrayed them.