The obsession or focus a narcissistic parent has on a child often has to do with the parent's own emotional needs. Narcissistic parents support children's “greatness” and encourage their talents, with the excuse that they love their child and are sacrificing themselves for the child's future.
Could a narcissist become obsessed with his child? Yes. In fact, it often happens. This could manifest in a few ways.
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
They are emotionally reactive, but shame their child's emotions. Narcissists are often angry and aggressive when they feel disappointed or frustrated. If they believe their child is being critical or defiant, they can lash out.
In psychoanalytic theory, the Jocasta complex is the incestuous sexual desire of a mother towards her son.
Many parents become so involved in their children's lives that it becomes an obsession. Admittedly, it's a tough line to toe. Parents want to show concern, care and interest in what their children do.
Overprotective mother syndrome is another such term that depicts mothers who become hyper-anxious about their child's well-being.
Gaslighting takes many forms, but the purpose is to undermine other people's perceptions through lies and distortions. Narcissistic parents gaslight their kids to diminish their children's confidence and control what they think and feel.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
Jealousy and Possessiveness
Since a narcissistic mother or father often hopes that the child will permanently dwell under the parent's influence, she or he may become extremely jealous at any signs of the child's growing maturity and independence.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Narcissistic parents are often emotionally abusive to their children, holding them to impossible and constantly changing expectations. Those with narcissistic personality disorder are highly sensitive and defensive. They tend to lack self-awareness and empathy for other people, including their own children.
Through PAS, narcissists use their children as pawns to get back at their ex in an effort to prove their dominance. To protect you and your child's best interests, it is crucial to understand what PAS is and what you can do if you believe your ex-spouse is using this as a tactic with your children.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Narcissistic parents lack empathy, show a severe sense of entitlement to micromanage the lives of their children, and may even subject their children to neglect, as well as emotional and/or physical abuse.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others.
Freud (1914/1957) proposed that parental overvaluation, together with a lack of warmth for the child's needs, is associated with higher traits of narcissism. Entitlement, a core aspect of both grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, may be encouraged by a parenting style that is both overvaluing and lenient [18, 23, 24].
Often, NPD will begin in the teenage years or early adulthood. Personality disorders are typically diagnosed at 18 years or older, according to Hallett.
Narcissists are very demanding and entitled. As a result they commonly set unrealistic expectations for the people around them, including their mothers. The narcissist will expect his mom to be available at all times of the day, paying constant attention to him and showering him with endless affection.
In the stories of adult children of narcissists, its very common to find accounts of rage attacks and of unpredictable, emotionally volatile behavior by their abusive parents.
Usually, they harbor deep-rooted insecurity, masked by the narcissism that they cannot tolerate exposing even in the slightest. In order to self-protect, this leads a narcissist to manipulatively shame others to maintain their superior status and deflect any vulnerability.
What is it? “Reverse parenting” or “parentification” is when the normal parent-child roles are reversed. The parent looks to the child for nurture, protection and affirmation, and the child, either consciously or unconsciously, sacrifices his or her needs to provide for the needs of the parent.
The "Devouring" Mother
This mother archetype tends to love selfishly, and not selflessly. Although this is done with the intention of protecting them from the ills and evils of the world, it often results in her children feeling suffocated or constrained.
Traits of a Narcissistic Mother
A narcissistic mother will display traits characteristic of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They view their children as an extension of themselves and only invest in a child's well-being to the extent that it enhances their own.