Psychologists reveal why nice people sometimes get punished with meanness for their good behaviour. People who are generous and cooperative can get punished by others for being 'too good', research finds. Humans in all cultures can be suspicious of those who appear nicer or better than the rest.
Nice people can easily tempt us to take advantage of them or be contemptuous of them. Their desperation for approval, their eagerness to please, their over-attentiveness to our needs can make us extremely uncomfortable, or extremely greedy.
For the most part, it comes down to jealousy. People who are deliberately mean are so lacking in their own self-worth that they're jealous of anyone who can simply smile and be happy. They hate that they're happy because they can't be themselves.
When someone is mean to you for no reason, they are probably coping with issues and challenges. If you can, try to focus on yourself, rather than what this person has said or done.
Key points. Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits. Researchers have discovered that threatened self-esteem drives a lot of aggression.
Or we can say, “it is not about the insecurities; it is about the insecurities of having insecurities.” So, mean people are not just people who are insecure. They are people who refuse to accept the responsibility for handling their own insecurities in healthy ways and healing their wounds like grown-ups.
People are rude and disrespectful when they act impolite, inconsiderate, or mean towards someone else. There can be many root causes for rudeness, such as insecurity or fear. People are often rude after being on the receiving end of rudeness.
If people are being mean to you--or you think "Why is everyone mean to me?"--remember these three things: They could be dealing with something major in their own life. You could be seeing something that's not really there. They could be legitimately being mean to you because you have something they want.
Fear of intimacy
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.
You can be a good person with toxic traits. In fact, everyone displays negative behavior from time to time. Many people also develop toxic traits as a coping mechanism. For example, many dishonest people lie about their lives to protect themselves from other people's judgment.
Cultural, generational, and gender biases, and current events influencing mood, attitude, and actions, also contribute to disrespectful behavior. Practitioner impairment, including substance abuse, mental illness, or personality disorder, is often at the root of highly disruptive behavior.
There are a variety of causes for this type of behavior. Many factors make people put others down. Psychology says trauma from childhood, low self-esteem, and insecurity are a few major causes. If you want to understand relationships with people who put others down, psychology can help explain the complexity to you.
Calmly explain what the problem is and how their behavior is affecting you. Don't be afraid to firmly but politely ask them to explain their behavior. Use I-focused language so that the other person does not feel accused. For example, “I feel very disrespected when you speak to me in that tone of voice.”
Most of the time, it's because people think they have the power to make others do what they want. They may not even realize it, but sometimes they're trying to control you. And if you don't conform to their rules, they try to teach you a lesson. They're just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Rudeness, particularly with respect to speech, is necessarily confrontational at its core. Forms of rudeness include acting inconsiderate, insensitive, deliberately offensive, impolite, obscenity, profanity and violating taboos such as deviancy.
They may simply be so self-absorbed that they are unaware of others, motivated to meet their own needs, and just oblivious even when it is at the expense of others. They may unwittingly say or do something hurtful, push their way in front of others, or disregard normal social behavior.
Insecurity. It's the most common reason behind showiness. A person shows off only when they need to. Only when they think that others don't consider them important will they try to prove that they're important.
The fear of being socially judged is one of the most common forms of insecurity. Some people feel self-conscious, anxious, and fearful when in front of others. It doesn't matter whether it's a group of colleagues or family members.
Arrogance is rooted in insecurity — a defense from feelings of weakness that are unacceptable and unclaimed. An arrogant person generally has a skewed view of the world and a warped understanding of themselves.