The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate's desirability. “Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value,” says Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and Dean's Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.
Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. "You're trying to pull them in when you sleep with them, laugh with them, do things with them, but you're being overly casual about it," says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why We Love.
Findings: Attachment style and playing hard-to-get
Analysis of results showed women were more willing than men to play hard-to-get. Men, in comparison, were more interested in pursuing someone who played hard-to-get.
The point of playing hard to get is obvious: if we force our partner to make an effort over time, it will make them want us more. Generally, the more effort we invest in something, the more significant it becomes, and our emotions towards the object become more intense.
Researchers examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty. In a new study they show that making the chase harder increases a potential mate's desirability.
The point of playing hard to get is obvious: if we force our partner to make an effort over time, it will make them want us more. Generally, the more effort we invest in something, the more significant it becomes, and our emotions towards the object become more intense.
Even if a girl is playing hard to get, it still means she's interested in you. And if she is, she'll be sending out subtle signs that she likes you. It can be hard to tell if a girl is flirting, so carefully observe her body language for these common signs of flirting: She's constantly touching you.
The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate's desirability. “Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value,” says Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and Dean's Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.
An implied aspect of playing hard–to–get is that people try to influence the mating decisions of prospective mates. People may try to manipulate the market forces around them by limiting their availability to increase the demand others have for them.
Being straightforward with people around you shows how much you really care. It demonstrates self-respect and respect for others as you showing a caring attitude by being honest with them. Being straightforward is also very attractive and appealing, it sets an example that invites others to imitate.
Male desirability to women peaks in the late 20s and does not fall below the average for all men until 36. Other research indicates that women, irrespective of their own age, are attracted to men who are the same age or older.
While men seem to be genetically predisposed to be attracted to women in their mid-to-late-20s, women tend to be attracted to men around their ages, if not older; this means men in their 30s have the best of both worlds. Men in their 30s are attractive to a wide range of women, from 20-somethings to women in their 40s.
Many factors influence whom people are attracted to. They include physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, and reciprocity: Physical attractiveness: Research shows that romantic attraction is primarily determined by physical attractiveness.
This is backed up by Marissa Harrison, a psychologist from Pennsylvania State University who thinks that women are much more cautious when it comes to love, while men tend to fall in love harder and faster. Studies show that a man's requirements to fall in love are significantly less stringent than those of a woman.
Insecure people (high on avoidance, anxiety, or both) use hard-to-get strategies to manage their psychological vulnerabilities. For example, growing up with cold rejecting parents is likely to result in attachment avoidance.
Nothing attracts more to a man than a woman with a high self-esteem. A confident woman is independent and can tackle any situation in her life. Even in the long run, the guy can depend on his partner and feel secured.
The Cons of Playing Hard to Get
For one, it can come across as manipulative or insincere. It can also make the other person feel like you're not really interested in them, which can lead them to move on to someone else. Playing hard to get can also be incredibly frustrating for the other person.
"I'd not recommend playing hard to get with a specific person you wish to interest because this may arouse this person's rejection fears and decrease your appeal," Birnbaum says. "Still, expressions of romantic interest should be reciprocal and gradual. Otherwise, they may backfire.
Data shows that nearly half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago. 1 Some reasons include more physical and emotional risk, technology, it being harder to meet people, and shifting societal expectations. Dating opens even the most well-adjusted to uncertainty and vulnerability.
This reflects in their tendency to pursue hard-to-get others, even before they are their relationship partners. Insecure people are playing hard-to-get or chasing hard-to-get others (i.e., an aloof potential mate) as a way to obtain the kind of romantic or sexual relationships they want (e.g., low on intimacy).
So why can't we let go of people who continually reject us? According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, the reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.
She Always Bails on Plans
It's rude. It's disrespectful. If she's super flaky and dips out on dinner plans often, drop her. “If she doesn't honor your time or feelings or make you feel important, then you might want to ask yourself why you want to start a serious relationship with her,” Sherman says.