"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
He likes taking you to events
One of the clear signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you is when he begins to invite you to various events. You will meet his friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and the likes at these events. He will introduce you to them because you're not an ordinary person in his life.
A need to chase after people who can't actually love tends to stem from unresolved childhood issues, or even trauma. Self-help is a good start, and there are wonderful books out there to help with things like codependency and attachment issues.
Key points. Women who fall for unavailable men usually feel that they are more committed to the relationship than the men are. Women who fall for unavailable men most often have profound insecurities, believing if the man eventually commits, they will finally be "worthy."
One of the obvious reasons why a guy may ignore or act disinterested in you is because he feels you are too good for him. He lacks the confidence to approach you or share his feelings with you, fearing you might reject him. He feels that sharing his true feelings might ruin your friendship with him.
The answer is Dopamine. A drug like chemical that pulsates the body in search of pleasure. The dopamine-driven reward loop triggers a rush of euphoric drug-like highs when chasing a crush and the desire to experience them repeatedly.
In other words, an emotionally unavailable person may not be able to relate to you, put themselves in your shoes, or consider your feelings when making a decision. This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs.
One possibility for being attracted to an avoidantly attached person is that you are used to that type of person. Hypothetically, you could also identify with someone with an avoidant attachment, and are used to having others around you who are more independent and get your own needs met.
Toxic people prey on your insecurities – they'll make you feel good about yourself while also pulling you down, so they can feel good about themselves. This helps them control you – the constant praising you and then criticizing you helps them brainwash you, so you never know which way is up.
We're Emotionally Unavailable
The main reason we attract — or are attracted to — emotionally unavailable partners is because a part of us is emotionally unavailable as well. The fact is, an emotionally connected partner is not going to stick around an emotionally inept relationship. Healthy relationships expect growth.
People often wonder, “can an emotionally unavailable man or woman change or even fall in love?” The answer is a resounding yes. Everybody needs love and affection. While it may still be a little hazy to answer do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back, there's no reason why love should be out of the equation.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Many emotionally unavailable individuals struggle with issues of insecurity and low self-esteem. As a result, they often cannot sustain the deep emotional bonds that a healthy relationship requires. This emotional unavailability can manifest in a variety of characteristics and signs.
So, it's normal if this question is on your mind, if I stop chasing him, will he notice? The answer to that is a strong 'yes. ' Whether he enjoyed it or not, he would notice a change towards him.
Chasing someone is a thrill… one that you probably don't get to revel in when you're in a secure relationship. Scientifically, having a crush and falling for someone releases feel-good hormones like dopamine and adrenaline. Part of the chase is a chase for those brain chemicals, to feel those euphoric feelings again.
Over time, men get really good at turning off their emotions or coping with their feelings in a way that is more acceptable for males. It creates a cycle of toxic masculinity, which can be hard to break once it's a habit.
Out of the many reasons why men choose to play with women's emotions, most of them are targeted at acquiring a prize, a sense of self-worth, or the admiration of others. Validation is usually connected to women, but you'll be surprised to find out that it is also an issue with men.
If he likes you, he'll try to compliment you as much as possible because he wants to make you feel good about yourself. He will think that your hair looks nice, your outfit is really cute, or that your laugh is “the most adorable thing in the world.” He thinks everything about you is absolutely perfect.