Guilt. It is normal to feel guilty about what you've done after cheating on someone. Guilt is a sign that you understand that what you did was wrong and that you have hurt your partner. Guilt can be a difficult emotion to feel, but it can encourage you to find a way to make things right.
Focus on the future, not the past.
It's easy to get down on yourself about cheating, but dwelling on the past will only keep you hostage. Practice thought-stopping when guilty feelings emerge. Rather than entertaining them, ask yourself “What now?” and try to continuously take positive action that moves you forward.
Forgive yourself
Does the guilt of cheating ever go away? Well, certainly not until you learn to forgive yourself. All the work you have done so far to get rid of cheating guilt is just a build-up to forgiving yourself.
Lack of love could play into the mindset of a cheating man or woman, where they won't feel any remorse for what they've done. This may be one of the top reasons why a cheating person shows no remorse, according to research that has been conducted.
Telling your partner and therefore immediately unburdening yourself of your mistake is actually pretty selfish, she says. "You're the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don't want to then put that on your partner," she told the site.
Though confessing to what you did doesn't minimize the fact that you cheated, it does prevent the damage that could be caused by keeping a secret. So here's your damage control plan, according to Skyler: Tell them, take accountability, be remorseful, and try to move forward by re-building trust.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Relationships can heal from infidelity. The process is not without its challenges, but it is possible. A couple typically does best when they are determined to work through the pain to get to the healing on the other side.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
Right now, learning that it takes an average of 2 to 5 years to get over the pain of infidelity may seem impossible. How could you ever get over such a betrayal? Yes, recovering from such a blow is going to take a long time, but there are actions, such as therapy, that can facilitate recovery and save your marriage.
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
For some, cheating is a way to explore repressed parts of the self. These cheaters don't actually want to change the core of who they are; they just want to escape the constraints of that for a little while. They're not looking for another person; they're looking for hidden versions of themselves.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.
Being cheated on sucks. It's as simple as that – but the feelings that come with it are hardly ever simple. You feel betrayed, angry, embarrassed and completely heartbroken. It can make you question everything about yourself, your relationship and your life.
People who cheat usually do it intentionally. Cheating is only a mistake if the cheater gets caught. If the cheater does it intentionally and doesn't get caught, then it's not considered a mistake. Cheating is always a mistake and would suggest you lack integrity.
Although telling could make the cheater feel better for getting the affair off their chest, it could put their partner in a not-so-great position where they feel bad about themselves or like they can't trust the cheater anymore. "The details [of the affair] aren't as important as the why [you did it]," Nelson said.