So why do some of us do this? Obsessive crushes aren't just frustrating - they could be a type of addiction, according to researchers. Dr Gery Karantzas, an Associate Professor at Deakin University studying love and relationships, said some of us get an emotional "reward" from fantasising about a crush.
Obsessing over a crush floods our brains with feel-good hormones, so it can be “a little addictive,” she says, and a hard habit to break. However, over-indulging in fantasy is not so great for a number of reasons, and it can be helpful to remind yourself of that next time you start fixating on someone.
Limerence is a state of infatuation or obsession with another person that involves an all-consuming passion and intrusive thoughts. "It is often a result of not being present either through trauma or certain childhood development issues," explains psychosexual therapist Cate Mackenzie.
Emophilia is defined by a tendency to fall in love quickly and often, which is associated with rapid romantic involvement. However, questions linger as to how it is different from anxious attachment, which also predicts rapid romantic involvement.
Obsessive Love Disorder is a psychological condition that presents as an overwhelming, obsessive desire to protect and possess another person. Often an inability to accept rejection further contributes to an unhealthy love relationship.
If you're someone who spends too much time imagining that 'perfect' person and you want to break that pattern, psychologist Dr Jarrod White says you should first accept that this behaviour is normal. "It's something that a lot of people go through."
If thoughts about your crush have become that intrusive, it is likely you are suffering with limerence. This is a mental state of obsessive infatuation that is characterised by intrusive thoughts that you just can't seem to turn off.
We become obsessed with certain people because we have fundamental neural systems that drive us into a state of infatuation, and these can be overactivated at times in our lives when we are vulnerable to the romantic potential of a person who matches our subconscious template of a desirable mate.
Psychologically speaking, crushes occur when a person of any age projects their ideas and values onto another person whom they believe possesses certain attributes and with whom they want to be associated. Then, the person with the crush attaches strong positive feelings to this magical image that they have created.
It starts with a crush
That first spark of attraction ignites a region buried deep inside the brain called the ventral tegmental area, or VTA. Recognizing a potential reward in the making, the VTA begins producing a chemical called dopamine, often called the “feel-good” neurotransmitter.
If you can't stop thinking about someone new, it may be because you're focusing on their potential, says Greer. “That's the fantasy of what you could have and what you long for, what you may feel is missing in your life, what you might have had with somebody else,” Greer says.
If you are unable to stop thinking about someone, you most likely have 'anxious attachment'. You might push and pull in relationships to get a break from the anxiety they cause you. But if the other person leaves, you panic.
Like touch, eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin. When someone is attracted to you, they subconsciously will try engaging in lots of mutual eye contact. They do this to feel closer to you, and because they are interested in you and what you are saying.
First crushes may occur at any time, but generally start at around 10-13 years of age. They are an important step in developing normal and healthy romantic relationships, and provide opportunities to learn how to compromise and communicate.
The intensity of your feelings.
If you want to constantly be around the person, and can't think about anything at all other than them, and you're desperate to message them…. that's probably a hyperfixation. You feel these things with a crush, but it's not as intense.
If someone is in love with you, they trust you. They want you to be the best version of yourself and only want good things for you. That includes giving you space when you need it. On the other hand, someone who is obsessed with you will be jealous and possessive.
Obsessive-compulsive symptoms are also considered intrinsically related to borderline psychopathology. These symptoms are severe and are characterized in BPD patients by poor insight and resistance and obsessive control evident in personal relationships.
“Obsessive love disorder” (OLD) refers to a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with. You might feel the need to protect your loved one obsessively, or even become controlling of them as if they were a possession.
1 IN 4 INDIVIDUALS WITH PTSD ALSO EXPERIENCING OCD. The role of trauma in PTSD is well defined, but a new phenomenon called trauma-related OCD, in which a patient develops OCD after experiencing a trauma, has been coined to refer to the link between trauma and OCD.
Not being able to stop thinking about someone can sometimes be normal or even pleasant, such as the feeling that you get in the early stages of a romantic relationship. But it can often be a problem if it is linked to a deeper mental health issue or if it causes disruptions in other areas of your life.