It's easy to think of the INFJ's door slam reaction as dramatic, but it couldn't be further from the truth. That's because an INFJ has likely gone through months (or even years) of feeling hurt, left out, disappointed, or exhausted by the person before they decide to cut them out.
The INFJ feels like the friendship is one-sided.
INFJs like to feel like their relationships are mutually beneficial. If they feel like they're always the ones giving and never the ones receiving, they may cut off a relationship so they can allocate their emotional investment into a better, healthier relationship.
Choosing to cut people off is common with all personalities, but might be more prominent with INFJs. These individuals are sensitive and often distance themselves from people playing with their emotions. When others tend to take advantage of their caring natures, they take a bang door approach.
INFJs are perfectionists. Their compulsion for perfection can be harmful to the INFJ themselves, but it can also push people away. The INFJs high expectations can make their partners feel like they are never good enough.
There's really only one reason INFJs leave relationships—their needs aren't being met. INFJs give a lot to the people they care about and ask for very little in return. So, when even the little they ask for is not being granted, they're prone to walking out.
You need extra time to feel comfortable around someone.
Even though we care deeply about others — and we desire deep connections — and we love intimate conversations — INFJs are private individuals. Like, extremely private. We let very few people in on our thought processes and emotions.
The famous INFJ door slam
But when you've pushed them too far, taking advantage of their giving nature once too often or badgering them into doing things they don't want to do, they will resort to the INFJ door slam. The INFJ door slam is when an INFJ cuts you out of their life permanently.
INFJ: Superficiality
Superficial conversations about gossipy topics or small talk don't usually interest an INFJ, so it can be a major turn-off when someone is too eager to stick to the surface level of communication. Shallow conversations and frivolous topics can make an INFJ feel bored, disconnected, and uninspired.
There are several reasons why INFJs disappear. INFJs disappear because, as introverts, they need time alone to recharge. They retreat when they want to process their thoughts alone. If you have hurt an INFJ or overstepped any boundaries, they will pull away.
Yes, the INFJ could be withdrawing from you because they realize they aren't really interested in you in that way. They may want to remain friends, but they're afraid to say those words out loud, in case they lose a relationship with you completely.
A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
Chances are the reason they're ignoring you is because of you. It might be you're annoying them. Maybe you forgot something and now they're hurt because of it. Maybe it's something as simple as they need to recharge so they can actually interact with you again and not feel on edge about socializing.
As one of the rarest personality types, they have a difficult time meeting someone like them in their careers, families, or other social groups. INFJs carry a burden few others will ever share. They often feel like they don't fit in, can't be “seen,” or aren't accepted as they truly are.
INFJ INFJs actually do become very upset if their loved ones ignore them for a long time.
Some introverted types are more apt to be mistaken for extraverts than others. In our experience, the INFJ is the type most commonly misperceived as extraverted, although this can occur with the INTJ as well. There are a number of personality factors commonly associated with extraversion.
Camouflaging to fit specific social groups or people, others might accuse the INFJ of being fake, but that's not the case. The INFJ works hard to chameleon around others. Feeling misunderstood is part and parcel, and I've learned to adapt my behavior to suit situations.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others.
Here are some of the things that make INFJs the angriest:
Violation of one of their core values. Bullying or name-calling. Rudeness. Having their ideas and insights dismissed or ignored.
The INFJ who wants to escape a Ni-Ti loop must accept and nourish their need to care for people. They will find relief as they begin to reach out to people in the outer world, and as soon as they embrace their rich empathy again.
INFJs tend to be especially drained by conflict with others. They're likely to avoid tension as much as they can, which may lead them to withhold information due to a fear of causing conflict.
Unsurprisingly, they can get stressed out by uncertainty and a lack of organization, and they're the most likely personality type to say they feel really anxious in unpredictable situations. This feeling is especially common among Turbulent Advocates, given their sensitivity to stress.
An INFJ can be difficult to spot due to the fact that they're not prevalent in society and tend to be reserved individuals. However, INFJs can make fiercely loyal friends, empathetic and organized employees, and exceptional leaders for causes they deem worthy and for the greater good of humanity.