Sense of Superiority One of the common ways narcissists manage their shaky sense of self-esteem is by comparing themselves to others and convincing themselves that they are better. So, by being or appearing as giving and helpful, they can feel superior to others.
The only reason that narcissists are “nice” to others is to maintain a public persona that allows them to get as much validation, admiration, and reassurance that they need to support their fragile sense of self.
Narcissists may use praise to control others by manipulating their sense of self-worth and relational security. Narcissists may use praise as love, as intimacy, or as unearned entitlement, and they may pair praise with abuse to disempower others.
If this has ever happened and the actions confused you, then your narcissist is putting on a show to impress people. If there is someone that has Klout, status, money or influence they need them in their lives' to validate them and potentially give them supply.
However, these efforts will never be appreciated. No matter how thoughtful your attempt, no matter how much time or money you spent, no matter how many people were put out on the narcissist's behalf, the narcissist will not thank you. You're only giving them something they believe they are entitled to.
This kind of baiting often involves threats like “I'll tell your family what you're really like” or “I'll call your boss and tell them you're looking for a new job”. Or they might threaten to hurt you or destroy your belongings.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Narcissists are so hungry for praise that they assume others are as well. They may tell you that you are special, that only you understand them, or that only you know how to take care of them. In truth, narcissistic flattery is not based on who you really are. Narcissists rarely see who others are.
A key trait of narcissists is confidence – they are attractive because they think of themselves as attractive. They believe in their own value, so this confidence and charisma become qualities that pull others in, that makes them the life and soul of the party.
React with empathy and respect.
A narcissist thrives on conflict, and will take control of the conversation as soon as you get defensive or try to fight back. Instead, you can take control by making empathetic statements about the situation, which will help the narcissist calm down.
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people. “They are number one in their lives.
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable.
Narcissists lack a positive, emotional connection to themselves, making it difficult for them to emotionally connect with others. Their undeveloped self and deficient inner resources require them to be dependent on others for validation. Rather than confidence, they actually fear that they're undesirable.
Typically, these narcissistic traits cover deep rooted insecurities and fears. There is no grand list of specific phrases narcissists use, but there are common phrases to look out for like, “My exes are all crazy,” and, “You're too sensitive,” as well as a host of manipulation tactics to try to control you.
"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
Empathetic, caring, giving people without enough self-love to lay healthy boundaries for themselves are low-hanging fruit for narcissists. If you find yourself in or recovering from a narcissistic relationship, seek help from a licensed professional.
Breadcrumbing is when a person gives someone just enough attention to "string them along." The purpose of breadcrumbing for a narcissist is to give them an ego boost. Responding to breadcrumbing signals that one is available for "narcissistic supply."
Narcissism comprises feelings of grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and a desire for respect and admiration.