When we hurt someone for no reason, it's because we fear rejection or disconnection from that person. We hope that, by lashing out, they'll show us more love, attention or understanding. As a result, we'll feel 'safer' in the relationship. So, we behave badly because we want to feel 'safe'.
You may hurt the one you love the most simply because they are the ones that are mostly around. Our emotions, thoughts and behaviours are in constant interplay. If we have a negative mood, we are therefore more likely to act in ways that match our emotional state or get triggered by innocuous and harmless stimuli.
Love is closely connected with vulnerability: the ability to hurt and to be hurt. Although some kinds of hurt in love are intended, most of them are not. Nevertheless, someone who deliberately hurts another person can simultaneously claim to love that person.
We hurt the one we love for several reasons: 1) Unconscious re-creation of emotional trauma – we all experience various degrees of emotional hurt and trauma growing up. Unfortunately, we form part of our identities around whatever we experience, be it love, distance, drama, or verbal or physical abuse.
“I can't imagine what you must be going through.” “I wish I could make it better.” “My heart hurts for you.” “It makes me really sad to hear this happened.”
Turns out yes, it's normal for love to hurt. And you don't have to be in an abusive relationship for this to happen. In fact, even good relationships can bring some aching discomfort at times. Caring deeply about someone else is enough to transform emotional pain into physical pain — the science says so.
If someone displays a pattern of this kind of behavior, intentionally doing things to hurt you, this is abuse.
Most of the time, we try to avoid inflicting pain on others — when we do hurt someone, we typically experience guilt, remorse, or other feelings of distress. But for some, cruelty can be pleasurable, even exciting. New research suggests that this kind of everyday sadism is real and more common than we might think.
Does true love exist? Yes, science shows true love is not only possible but can last the duration of one's life. “Love is a symbol of infinity” and “Love is the bridge to everything” are popular romantic love time quotes that emphasize love that never dies.
Love isn't supposed to hurt. If it does, then it is absolutely not a true love. You have probably heard a lot of people say that “love hurts” — and we all tend to follow the crowd and believe that “love hurts” but this isn't true.
Fear of intimacy
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.
They may be driven by a desire to hurt you in the same way they have been hurt, to bring you down and cause you pain in the same ways they have experienced it. If you are with someone who is driven to cause hurt because of self-dislike—and you want to stay with them—they must get help for their own issues.
The mind tries to focus on the painful memories, but the heart will hold on to the beautiful ones. Those are the ones that will haunt you. There is comfort in familiarity, so sometimes we cling tighter to the good memories than we do to the bad. This is why we keep running back to the people who have hurt us.
The domestic violence laws say “abuse” is: Physically hurting or trying to hurt someone intentionally or recklessly; Sexual assault; Making someone reasonably afraid that he or she or someone else is about to be seriously hurt (like threats or promises to harm someone); OR.
The most common reason we get hurt by another person is: Our ideas of hurt don't match. Because we all learned as small children to accept our family life as normal, we forget that every other family has their own "normal," and the differences between those normals can be significant.
“Hurt people hurt people” is more than a clever phrase; it's a sad truth. Hurt people hurt others because they themselves have been hurt. And each one of us has been hurt to one degree or another. As that damage causes us to become defensive and self-protective, we may lash out at others.
“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
Well, yes. Loving someone so much that it hurts is possible, and there are reasons why people indulge in that. A major reason why people tend to be loving too much in a relationship is that they don't feel worthy.
Fear of change or unknown: In addition to fears of finding someone else, returning to the life of a single person, and even worrying about what others might think, can make it challenging to take the first steps necessary to stop loving a person.
Toxic empathy is when a person over-identifies with someone emotions, feelings and takes them on as their own personal. Although, if the other individual's anxiety and stress keep you from your current tasks and responsibilities, it is called toxic empathy.
Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, recognize how those emotions affect your behavior, and work to release them. Choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Release the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.