“Passive-aggressive behavior may arise when the person utilizing it feels they cannot communicate their needs and feelings directly, or when someone wants to avoid taking responsibility for the impact of their words and actions,” explains Ileana Arganda-Stevens, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Sacramento, ...
There are many possible causes of passive aggression, such as fear of conflict, difficulty expressing emotions, low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness. People who tend to be more introverted may also struggle with expressing their needs or wants directly.
A passive-aggressive person, while struggling to address a particular situation directly, may express that they frequently feel wronged, underappreciated, and undervalued. When pushed for examples, they will likely turn to other tactics so as not to get into direct confrontation about a particular incident.
Passive-aggressive personality disorder, also called negativistic personality disorder, is characterized by procrastination, covert obstructionism, inefficiency and stubbornness.
Someone who is passive-aggressive often lets others take control while someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or directly forceful. So, someone who is passive-aggressive exerts their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Passive-aggressive actions can erode the health of your relationships and friendships. Your passive-aggression points to an unmet need, and if you don't communicate openly, you likely will never get this need met, and the relationship may crumble around it. Passive aggression can hurt your career.
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. However, passive-aggressive behavior can interfere with relationships and cause difficulties on the job.
Passive-Aggressive Behavioral Causes
People who rely on passive aggression rather than direct communication to show these emotions often grew up in a family where that behavior was common. It might not have felt safe for them to directly express their feelings as a child.
Passive-aggressiveness is a behavior where people tend to avoid direct conflict and express their anger indirectly through sulking, procrastination, withdrawal, stubbornness, controlling, and sabotaging tasks (1).
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggression, and possibly the most hurtful. Your audience may have no idea that you're upset, much less why you're upset. You're just dumping your feelings on them with little context. What to say instead: Examine why you're upset.
When someone directs a passive-aggressive comment your way, you may find yourself upset or angrily ignoring them. Instead, focus on keeping your cool and not taking the bait. Stay focused in the present and avoid acting defensively. Be assertive and express your thoughts in a direct and thoughtful way.
Condescending comments, put-downs and sarcasm — all hallmarks of passive-aggressive behavior — contribute to an environment of incivility, according to experts. Left unchecked, latent contempt can erode morale and contribute to burnout, even if you otherwise enjoy your job.
If you sulk a lot, you're passive aggressive. Introverts can be passive aggressive, sure. But so can extroverts. Introversion and extroversion are traits; passive aggression is a behavior.
The good news is that there is a way to stop this behavior, both in ourselves and in others. The key is to remember this six-word phrase: "Attack the problem, not the person."
Although many forms of gaslighting are overt and obtrusive (i.e. persistent and false verbal attacks, accusations, condescension, judgement, and criticism), there are also passive-aggressive forms of gaslighting that are more subtle and difficult to detect at the outset, and can carry the same negative contagion and ...
Social exclusion: Be direct
You might only find out after the event through gossip or social media. Leaving someone out is sneaky but deliberate. The person doesn't want to confront you, but they want you to feel isolated. You can annoy passive-aggressors like this by direct confrontation.
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
While someone's passive aggressive behavior may make you instantly feel like you're in the middle of a fight, that's what they are trying to avoid. Unfortunately, it makes it much harder to reach resolution and closure, because the anger is always simmering, never rising to the surface to be confronted.
"Passive-aggressive partners are generally codependent, and like codependents, suffer from shame and low self-esteem," Lancer says. Attempts to engage with a partner who suffers from this may result in a sense of emotional abandonment. They can form an intimate connection up to a certain point.
It is a form of manipulation. It's indirect and dishonest. Anyone can be passive-aggressive at times.
It's important to note that not all passive-aggressive individuals are narcissistic. What characterizes the passive-aggressive narcissist is their barely disguised sense of superiority, conceit, and entitlement. They are inclined to become covertly hostile when they don't get their way, no matter how unreasonable.