Loss is a natural part of life. However, people with abandonment issues live in fear of these losses. They may also exhibit behaviors that push people to leave so they're never surprised by the loss. A fear of abandonment isn't a recognized condition or mental health disorder, per se.
Fears of abandonment are often rooted in past hurt, and your partner's experiences may have given them trust issues. Your partner may even feel the need to pull away from you to try and protect themselves. Working through each abandonment fear will require you to prove yourself.
The psychology of pushing people away 101
There's generally a valid reason why we start pushing away those we love: Trauma, breakups, or mental health crises reduce our sense of self-worth. We fear rejection, leading us to avoid the risk of emotionally investing in people. Our behavior changes.
Abandonment fears can impair a person's ability to trust others. They may make it harder for a person to feel worthy or be intimate. These fears could make a person prone to anxiety, depression, codependence, or other issues. Abandonment issues are also linked to borderline personality (BPD) and attachment anxiety.
Pushing people away again and again is a frequent sign of mental health problems such as depression and trauma.
Adults may display sleep problems, increased agitation, hypervigilance, isolation or withdrawal, and increased use of alcohol or drugs. Older adults may exhibit increased withdrawal and isolation, reluctance to leave home, worsening of chronic illnesses, confusion, depression, and fear (DeWolfe & Nordboe, 2000b).
People who fear abandonment struggle to feel affection. They have trouble identifying and expressing their emotions. They might seem detached from their experiences and relationships. Abandoned individuals may rebuff physical and emotional comfort from their partners, like a hug or compliment.
Abandonment issues often arise from a fear of loneliness. They can be a symptom of anxiety or trauma and can consistently affect a person's life. Being triggered by abandonment can have many signs, such as: Being a people pleaser.
You may push people away because you don't feel like you're worth others' time and energy. This problem relates to low self esteem and self compassion. Low self esteem can stem from other mental health struggles, like depression or anxiety. It can also trace back to your childhood, when your inner voice was shaped.
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.
In relationships, people with a fear of abandonment tend to: Attach quickly—even to unavailable partners or relationships. Fail to fully commit and have had very few long-term relationships. Move on quickly just to ensure that you don't get too attached.
Results showed that people higher in attachment-related abandonment anxiety were more likely to be ghosted. People high in attachment avoidance were more likely to have ghosted an ex-partner. Those with fatalistic beliefs that relationships are either "meant to be" or not were also more likely to have ghosted an ex.
Abandonment issues are a form of anxiety that occurs when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. People with abandonment issues can have difficulties in relationships. They may exhibit symptoms such as codependency, clinginess, or manipulative behavior.
If your feelings are hurt, you feel betrayed, abandoned, or rejected, and your partner doesnt care or minimizes them, thats a red flag. You should also be wary if you notice a pattern of lying or half-truths about other issues.
Fear of abandonment can cause someone to sabotage their relationship by constantly responding in an anxious or negative way. In addition, due to issues of mistrust and a desire for autonomy, a person may struggle to be open or intimate with a partner, which can lead to the end of a relationship.
Symptoms of fear of abandonment
overly sensitive to criticism. difficulty trusting in others. difficulty making friends unless you can be sure they like you. taking extreme measures to avoid rejection or separation.
Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave. Signs and symptoms may include: An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection.
Seek out the help of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can help you overcome fears of being abandoned. They'll also work with you to understand where the fear originates and what you can do when you sense the fear rising.
Feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, being “not enough.” “Checking out” of relationships or friendships, feeling unattached or emotionally unavailable to connect. Holding on to a relationship, even if it is unhealthy or abusive, so as to avoid any feelings of abandonment or loneliness.
If there's no obvious reason why they are pushing you away, it could be that they've become too comfortable in your relationship. If this is the case, try and spice things up a bit. Make them work for your attention and affection in fun ways that won't make them feel like they're “winning” or “losing”.
alienate. verbcause unfriendliness, hostility. break off. come between. disaffect.