Suppressing Emotions Many with quiet BPD, especially those who experienced childhood trauma, hide their feelings because that is what they learned to do to survive when they were younger. You might believe your emotions are only acceptable if you appear in good spirits.
People with Quiet BPD tend to have an avoidant attachment style; many have comorbid Avoidant Personality Disorder traits. Instead of other reactions like ' fight', 'flight', you' freeze' in the face of trauma and pain.
Validate their feelings.
and let them know that they are being heard. A person with quiet BPD is more likely to stuff down their emotions, so it's even more important to show them that it's okay to feel what they are feeling.
Your emotions and behaviors may feel like a roller coaster with many ups and downs. You may have difficulty in your relationships due to fear of abandonment. If you have quiet BPD, you may have low self-esteem and often feel angry, depressed, or anxious.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
They may even obsess over their new partner, convinced this is the perfect person for them. The relationship is mostly positive but can move quickly, given the impulsivity among people with BPD.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.
Traumatic childhood experiences: Situational factors that may increase someone's risk of developing BPD include experiencing abuse, neglect or prolonged exposure to stress as a child.
Examples of BPD splitting behavior include: Perceiving everything in black and white: Splitting forces the person into a position of thinking that everything is either perfect or awful, and since life is full of struggles and disappointments, they will usually see things as awful.
For someone with quiet borderline personality disorder, while they still experience these intense emotions, they tend to do so internally. This can cause them to lash out at themselves. When someone has quiet borderline personality disorder, it can be something that other people do not necessarily notice.
By establishing boundaries, enforcing consequences if necessary, sharing emotions with others, and speaking up for yourself; you will take away their power, thus protecting yourself from the narcissist's silent treatment.
A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions. When something happens in a relationship that makes them feel abandoned, criticized, or rejected, their symptoms are expressed.
Stonewalling may also be a direct result of a disorder, such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism that causes someone to manipulate others by freezing them out. This behavior also becomes manipulative when, despite evidence, a person denies they are stonewalling someone.
A borderline personality disorder is associated with emotional instability, impulsive behavior, and conflicted thinking. All of these symptoms can make it hard to distinguish who you are because your experiences and actions are not consistent.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
Some people with quiet BPD can hide their condition and appear successful, independent, and overall high functioning. You might be able to hold a job during the day, but crash into a depressive, anxious, or dissociative state when the day is over. Think of quiet BPD as a mask.
High-Functioning BPD Symptoms
Those experiencing high-functioning BPD often alternate between pushing people away and pulling them in closer, and may similarly fall into patterns of idealizing and then devaluing others. They tend to exhibit quick switches in emotions, such as going from very happy to very irritated.
Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States2 living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their 'favorite person,' and may be anyone from a teacher, to a best friend, or even a family member.
In the case of the “favorite person,” the individual with BPD prefers one person and wants to spend all their time with them. Unfortunately, if that person is busy—or if conflict emerges—anger and fear of abandonment often become triggered. Find a supportive therapist that can help with BPD.
People with BPD oscillate between desiring closeness and angry withdrawal when they perceive that their needs aren't being met. When a person with BPD ends a relationship, it is usually not the end, but rather a part of a cycle of dependence and withdrawal.
Borderline personality disorder can impact relationships.
“Relationships with an untreated BPD individual can feel exhausting, a never-ending process of putting out fires,” says Gilbert. Sometimes those with BPD are aware of how their symptoms can be destructive to relationships.
Push/Pull behaviors
Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
Loneliness may be common with BPD, but it's not impossible to overcome. There are many strategies you can use to feel less alone, such as joining a support group, taking classes, caring for an animal, and finding new ways to communicate with your loved ones. You may also want to consider engaging in therapy.