When someone we really love is taken from us, we are saddened. Although we know that we cannot bring back the past, we ache and hurt because we want their comforting presence in our lives forever. It is very important to grieve when we lose someone. Grieving makes us tender and brings us close to our heart.
The pain is caused by the overwhelming amount of stress hormones being released during the grieving process. These effectively stun the muscles they contact. Stress hormones act on the body in a similar way to broken heart syndrome. Aches and pains from grief should be temporary.
Although the intensity of your feelings may lessen over time, there is no timetable for how long you will grieve. The length of time is different for each person. For most people their mourning period is a long process and it can take years.
All deaths have the capacity to overwhelm, shock, terrify, and shatter worldview. In fact, research has shown that PTSD symptoms are not only found in those who survive violent and sudden deaths, but also those who experience the death of a close person to terminal illness.
Whether it's a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. You may experience waves of intense and very difficult emotions, ranging from profound sadness, emptiness, and despair to shock, numbness, guilt, or regret.
How can I cope with grief? If you experience grief or loss, you may always feel some sadness and miss a person once they are gone, but the painful, intense feelings should gradually subside. It eventually becomes easier to deal with life.
There are a number of reasons why some people struggle with grief more than others. Complicated mourning often occurs when the death was sudden, unexpected, or traumatic. It is also common when the deceased person was young, because the surviving loved ones feel a sense of injustice.
We know death is coming, so why does it make us so sad? There are, of course, many reasons. Our loved ones play important roles in our daily lives, and their deaths leave gaping holes. Often, we want more time with them — more joy, more laughter, more healing — and death makes those hopes impossible to fulfill.
The reasons why death is scary are often related to the fears of the unknown, of non-existence, of eternal punishment, of the loss of control, and fear of what will happen to the people we love.
Most people who are dying feel tired. They may want to sleep more often, or for longer periods. They may want to talk less, although some may want to talk more. They may want to eat less or eat different foods since their stomach and digestive system are slowing down.
Often the second year is the hardest as that's when the real grief work might begin. This is the time when you may be ready to face your grief head on and deal with any issues that are holding you back. If you're not ready yet though, don't feel guilty. There is no deadline and everyone grieves in their own time.
Visions and Hallucinations
Visual or auditory hallucinations are often part of the dying experience. The appearance of family members or loved ones who have died is common. These visions are considered normal. The dying may turn their focus to “another world” and talk to people or see things that others do not see.
Within hours, blood is pulled downwards, causing splotches on the skin. Because the heart is no longer pumping blood around the body, it starts being pulled down by gravity. As the blood pools, patches appear on the skin within 30 minutes of death.
“A lot of our fear of death is about losing the things we've built up,” says Steve Taylor, a lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University in Leeds, England, and the author of Out of Darkness. “But elderly people let go of their attachment to these things, and in the process they let go of some of their fear.”
Crying isn't a required step in grieving a loss; it is not a measure of how much you love the person who died, and you can still grieve healthily even if the tears don't flow.
The “whimpers” are part of the sounds of dying, no more, no less. Sighs, moans, gurgles, and soundless cries are all part of the normal, natural way a person dies. We, with our fear and deep sadness of the moment, react and hold on to every expression as if it has meaning.
The saddest moment in my life was when my mom died. Later, it was when my dad died. I feel you there. Both my parents are gone now and sometimes, my heart still breaks!
Some of us feel sad when someone dies. Some of us feel angry. But some of us feel nothing at all. Emotional numbness can be linked with a type of grief called 'inhibited grief,' which is characterised by suppressed emotions.
Your heart stops beating. Your brain stops. Other vital organs, including your kidneys and liver, stop. All your body systems powered by these organs shut down, too, so that they're no longer capable of carrying on the ongoing processes understood as, simply, living.